How to get a seat in the Delhi Metro?

This blog post is applicable only if you satisfy all the following conditions:

1. You are a regular metro commuter.

2. You are a men

3. You are aged between 15-50 (provided you still haven’t got white hairs)

4. You are uneducated or you won’t mind being called educated illiterate.

5. You value a seat in metro more than your self-respect.

If you satisfy all the above conditions then this post is for you- Some very easy to apply tricks of getting a seat in Delhi Metro.

1. The use of Oranges– Watch Comedy Circus and take some tips from Krishna and Sudesh on how to dress up like a woman.

2. Think, thing and think- The more you will think, faster your hairs will turn white. And with white hairs, all you have to do is find a person who still has some etiquette left in him.

3. Be a Gandhian– Carry a stick with you. Even if it doesn’t land you a seat, atleast it will provide support while standing

4. You are the VIP – 10 people are standing in queue on both sides of the door. Come and stand right in front of the door. No need to care about how people will get out from the metro, that’s there headache.

5. Who needs a seat– Why hassle for the seat, when you can always get down on the floors of the train. You can easily lay down there. Of course, you can always have a fight if someone touches his feet to you.

6. Have your own seat– Carry bags with you. Make them stand besides the pole and there you have your own seat.

7. Pay Rs.50 fine– Travelling on top of metro attracts a fine of Rs.50. Of course, you wont mind Rs.50 for an open air comfortable metro ride.

8. Please adjust– When we Indians can have a whole joint family in a Maruti 800, then of course they can adjust  to have 100 people sitting on a seven seater in Delhi Metro.

9. Be a Human Behavioral specialist- Study the behavior of people sitting and predict who will get down on which station. On that basis go and stand in front of him.

10. When nothing works, family helps– I am sure if you give reference to the name of your minister uncle, the driver will give a seat with him in his cabin.

Note: Once you get the seat, put earphones and don’t you dare look up to the auntie whose eyes will make feel so humiliated that you will have no choice but to vacate your hard earned seat.

Follow these tricks, and if nothing works, get yourself a job of metro driver!

 

Jokes apart, Metro is, undoubtedly, the best thing to have ever happened to Delhi. And for this hats off to that one man,  E. Sreedharan. Take a bow

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Author: sarthakg

A terrible dancer, an abrasive singer and a Chartered Accountant, Sarthak Goyal has been penning his mind through the blog ‘Something. Nothing. Everything’ since 2009. In whatever little time he gets away from sleep, he works for his venture, DTHConnect.com.

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