An Auditor’s Approach Towards Cooking

There is this story about a fish. For the entire life, she was kept in an aquarium bowl. One day, her master decided to let her free in the ocean. But in the ocean also, the fish kept on revolving at one place as that’s the only thing she knew.

Auditors are like this fish. Right from their articleship, the only thing they are taught is to find mistakes. These are the people who ask the doctor about the sampling technique used before giving a blood sample. Wherever you put these auditors, they just start their audit process.

To prove this, we did a small experiment. We picked up an auditor and threw him in a kitchen with a cook. A normal person might have learnt some cooking tips or enjoyed his favourite dishes in kitchen. But auditors are special (read: abnormal). After spending a day in kitchen, he came out (actually thrown out by the cook!) with this- ‘ A Guide to Audit of a Kitchen’

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AUDIT OF A KITCHEN

Kitchen is the production area of any household where raw materials such as potatoes, cheese, pulses are transformed into finished products called as breakfast, lunch or dinner, depending upon the time it is consumed. Various consumables like oil, ghee, spices are used to carry out the transformatiom process, called as cooking.

Being one of the biggest cost centre of any house, it is necessary that the kitchen is always working in the most efficient and effective manner. For this, it is recommended that an audit of cooking process is carried out each quarter by an external, independent agency. The audit process should follow the following guidelines-

1. Gaining Process Knowledge

Visit any recipe site like tarladalal.com  to learn about standards applicable during preparation of various items. Auditor may also refer tutorial videos of Sanjeev Kapoor for the same. During the exercise, special care should be given to technical jargons such as “namak swaad anusaar“. Also, the auditor should make himself comfortable with both Hindi and English name of spices, so that he is not struck with question like “Hing ko English mein kya bolte hai?”

2. System Walk through

The auditor should visit the actual site i.e. kitchen and have a system walk-through of the cooking process. The walk through should include the purchasing process of raw materials and consumables, selection criteria for food to be cooked, process of cooking, estimations and the complaint handling process.

3. Audit Planning

After becoming familiar with the whole process, the auditor should prepare an audit plan and check list of points to be covered. The check list may include checking of purchases, tasting the food before it is served, reconciliation of actual production vis a vis consumption, sample survey of consumers and the treatment given to scrap.

4. Execution

  • Purchases: The auditor should obtain the list of all purchases including vegetables, spices, cooking oil, and salads made during the audit period. On sampling basis, it should obtain the purchase orders and check if the tendering process has been adequately followed. If should be checked that the quotations from each vegetable seller has been obtained and the PO has been issued to L1 vendor after adequate bargaining. The quality certificates of purchases should also be checked. Analytical procedures must also be applied to check if purchases have been made on the basis of minimum order levels. Excess purchase of vegetables like gheeya and tori, should specifically be pointed out in the audit report.
  • Stock: Details of stock lying in kitchen along with those under production should be obtained. Stock turnover ratio may be computed to determine fast, slow and non-moving items. A surprise physical verification may also conducted on the basis of ABC Analysis of different items. Material lying unused for a long period may be disposed off to a stray dog or cow. Special attention should be given to FoC (Free of Charge) items such as ketchup and chilly flakes sachets coming along with burgers and pizzas.
  • Production Process:  The process of production or the cooking is the most vital process of the system. It should be ensured that it is done by personnel having sufficient experience in this field. Auditor may ask such personnel to prepare items like gajar ka halwa to test their capabilities. It should be ensured that selection process of item to be prepared consider all the factors including available stock, health meter and the feedback of consumers. Items like baingan ka bharta should be discouraged. The efficiency ratio of gas usage for each item prepared should also be checked by auditor. In the end, each of the item prepared should be tasted by the auditor and given marks accordingly.
  • Reconciliation: Reconciliation is done at two levels. The first is of raw material. Purchases should be reduced with standard level of consumption to arrive at closing stock. Any material deviation should be enquired into and reported accordingly. The second reconciliation is of finished product. The auditor should check the quantity of item produced and must reconcile it with the total number of people present. Adequate weighage should be given to the weight of each consumer. It should also be checked that whether any item left unused has been utilized the subsequent day.
  • Consumer Feedback: The consumer feedback mechanism should also be checked. The auditor may conduct a sample survey regarding the quality of food. However, while conducting the survey it should be ensured that the cook had not prepared paneer that day.

5. Reporting– For reporting purpose, the auditor should note its weight before and after the audit on that basis must issue its report.

  • If the weight has increased- The food prepared is unhealthy and unhygienic resulting in the problem of obesity among the consumers
  • If the weight has reduced- The cooking process is unable to meet the demands of the people and as a result they are being forced to starve.
  • If the weight remains same- The whole process of cooking is a waste and does not provide any benefit to the consumer.

Decoding Independent Auditors Report

Pre: Dedicated to all who at point of time have audited or have been subjected to audit. Do read an original Audit Report here.

Independent Auditors’ Report

TO THE MEMBERS (if at all they care for anything more than the free lunch on offer at AGM)

 

REPORT ON THE FINANCIAL STATEMENTS

We have audited made money from the accompanying financial fraudulent statements of ABC Limited (the Company), which comprise the window dressed Balance Sheet as at March 31, 2014, the Statement of Inflated Profit and Hidden Loss and Cash (white, not black) Flow Statement for the year then ended, and a summary of insignificant accounting policies and other explanatory information which even we cannot understand.

 

MANAGEMENT’S RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE FINANCIAL STATEMENTS

The Company’s Management is responsible for the preparation of these fraudulent statements, that give a true (lol) and fair (fairer than Neil Nitin Mukesh!) view of the beguile performance and imaginative cash flow of the Company in accordance with the Accounting Standards taught by Praveen Sharma Sir and in accordance with the deviations from principles generally accepted in India. To cut it short, arrest the management, not me, for any fraud, because they are the one responsible for everything- be it the Iraq war or Argentina’s defeat in finals. I am, all the way, irresponsible.

 

AUDITORS’ RESPONSIBILITY

Our responsibility is to hide lies about these fraudulent statements based on our so called audit. We conducted our audit in accordance with the Standard of the client. Those Standards require that client should pay high audit fees and should not lose his temper on being produced reimbursement bills for expenses which we never incurred during audit.

An audit involves performing any bloody kind of procedures to make client believe to increase next year’s audit fees. The procedures selected depend on the auditor’s judgment article’s stupidity, including the application of half-baked IPCC knowledge with full attitude and confidence, whether correct or not. In making those half-baked assessments, we ignore all kinds of risk of material misstatements and consider whatever the client says as the only truth. The auditor considers internal control blah blah, copy paste blah blah blah who cares blah blah who reads blah blah accounting jargons blah blah report length increased. We believe that the absurd queries we have raised are sufficient and appropriate to provide a basis for mental harassment case.

 

OPINION

In my opinion (I guess so) and for the best of lunches and dinners given to us the aforesaid fraudulent statements give the information required in the manner so as to increase share prices and give a varnished and shammed view in conformity with the accounting deception principles generally followed in India:

(a) In the case of the Sham Balance Sheet, hiding the sorry state of affairs of the Company;

(b) In the case of the Statement of Profit and Loss, manufacturing profits in books; and

(c) In the case of the Cash Flow Statement, taking care of all the black money.

 

REPORT ON OTHER LEGAL AND REGULATORY REQUIREMENTS

1. As required by the CARO, but since I left this topic during examination, we cannot give in the Annexure a statement on the matters specified in paragraphs 4 and 5 of the Order.

2. As required by my senior:

a. We have obtained all the bills and the excess reimbursements for pizzas and chips necessary for the purpose of our audit;

b. In our opinion, the clients has sufficiently been blackmailed and made to suffer so far as appears from our examination of their faces.

c. The Balance Sheet, the Statement of Profit and Loss, and the Cash Flow Statement dealt with by this Report are in agreement with the amount of audit fees paid.

d. In our opinion, the Balance Sheet, the Statement of Profit and Loss, and the Cash Flow Statement comply with Accounting Standards and even if they don’t, I really don’t care.

e. On the basis of the written representations received from the directors as on March 31, 2014, taken on record by the Board of Directors, none of the directors is disqualified as on March 31, 2014, from being appointed as a director in terms of Section 274(1)(g) of the Act, but the manner in which they run the company, they all should be disqualified!

 

For the most scrooge firm of

Chartered Accountants

(Firm Registration No. 000420X)

 

<Autograph valued more than that of any celebrity>

 

ABC

Partner

Membership No BB Pin.:

Delhi

Date : < 2 days before board meeting>

 

 

P.S.: The audit report is independent of financial statements and has nothing to do with books of accounts. It is a work of fiction and any resemblance or non-resemblance to actual state of affairs is purely co-incidental.

 

Dear Black Money

Black Money

Dear Black Money

I am your weaker sibling, white. How are you? I am fine here in India and I hope you are enjoying your stay in Switzerland. I am writing this letter as I have heard that you are coming back to India. Is it true? If it is, then I will suggest you to please reconsider your decision.

Black, do you remember the days when we were together and there was no difference between you and me. We were simply, Money without any discrimination of black and white. But then some corrupt politicians and cruel businessmen separated us forever. Since that day, you have been growing in numbers and I am left on the mercy of salaried employees who do not have the privilege of you. People often call me No.1, but it’s you who went places- from Mauritius to Dubai to Switzerland, while I was locked in FD, Post Office or in PF. While I suffer from high rates of Income Tax, Service Tax, VAT, Property Tax, Entry Tax, you are immune to each one of them.

You will be glad to know that today, there is no piece of land in India which can be sold or bought without you. Be it Ambanis in Mumbai, Aggarwals in Delhi or Chatterjees in Kolkatta- you connect the country. You have been successful in buying MPs and in past, have made special appearance in parliament as well. Credit goes only to you black, that today, even a government peon can become a millionaire. People here won’t accept a girl even if she is slightest of black, however, when it comes to money, they treat both black and white equally. But despite all this, please don’t come back from Switzerland.

Black, if you will come back, don’t expect to be of any help for poor. You will again be routed in the hands of those special few on the pretext of schemes like MNREGA or Indira Awas Yojna. Instead of the wonderful lockers of Swiss Bank, you will be kept hidden behind the walls, beneath the bed and sometimes, even in loos. You won’t get the privilege of cheques or credit card. In its place, you will be exchanged on the basis of Rs.10 note. Some smart peoples, who call themselves Chartered Accountants, may also force you to convert into me. But that’s not the worst part.

Imagine yourself inside a BMW standing on a red light. A small kid, handicapped from both legs will be knocking the car, begging for you. Your heart will cry to go in that boy’s hand, but you won’t be able to. Even if, by chance, you succeed, you will be taken up by the mafia of the red light and subsequently thrown back into the lockers of someone else. Next day, you will be in Audi, and the boy will be at same red light. You will exchange hands at marriages, on the pretext of dowry. You will be worshipped in the form of Goddess Laxmi and then, will be used to settle the cases of rape, while the girl will commit suicide. It’s you who will be responsible for child trafficking- for all the mental and physical trauma of those sweet little children. People here will use you with such cold-heartedness that you will feel ashamed of your existence.

Trust me brother! Don’t come back to India because the hearts of people, here, are blacker than your colour.

Your fairer self

White Money (TDS deducted!)

 

P.S.: Sending you a tube of New Improved Fair n Lovely. You really need one!

Third Group of CA Exams..!!

We all study Accounts, Law, Audit, Cost, Income Tax, and others. But why is it so that only handful are able to pass them? Some say, my Taxation is weak, I cant understand the concepts of Financial Management or some blame it on ISCA or Audit. But do you really think Accounts, Cost, Audit, Law, Tax are the subjects what makes you a Chartered Accountant?

Whenever you see results, you only see marks of Group 1 and Group 2. But there is another, the third group which you need to qualify for. Its the group whose exams are not limited to 3 hours, but continue throughout your life as future Chartered Accountants.

Like the other two group, you have four subjects in this group also with compulsion to pass all four. Lets take a look at these subjects and their content.

Subject 1: Capability-

Objective: To determine whether you have the ability to achieve your goal.

Content of the subject:

Past performance– Performance in school /college level determines your capabilities. If you have not been able to perform at those levels, then you need to buck up and improve your capabilities.

Clarity over fundamentals–  For those who only study for marks and do not believe in understanding the concepts at its core, its a tough road for you ahead. A person having basics of the subject clear is surely more capable than “muggers“.

Learnings from Articleship– The hours that one puts in in his articleship plays a very significant role in mental grooming – making you a lot more mature and capable of handling pressure. A dummy only makes you lethargic and less hard working.

Grasp over language–  Its not about English language or the language of law, its about conveying what you actually wants to convey. Knowing how to answer is as important as knowing the answer and this capability can get you those extra marks.

Intelligence Level– Every human being has his/her strong and weak points which influences their capability. Their are people who are called “born” intelligent, but then there are those who have to make themselves intelligent.

Subject 2: Hard Work

Objective: To check how much you can put it to achieve your goal

Achieving your targets-  For achieving any goal, its necessary to set small targets and then making sure that you achieve them, no matter how much hard work you have to put in.

Regularity/Time– Its not your college or school exams where you needed to put hardwork only during exams. One is required to work hard on continuous basis and in a regular manner.

Going in Depth- Its CA exam,  and you are expected to know everything in detail. Whatever you study, study in depth. No mugging up, not to consider any topic irrelevant and to obtain full understanding of each and every topic.

Smart Work- With hard work, its necessary to put the smart work. But beware of the thin line between smart and over smart.

Subject 3: Determination

Objective: To see how far you can go to achieve your goal

Content of the Subject:

The last attempt– There is always a next time. If you are preparing with this thought in mind, better give it the next time. Be determined to clear the exams in this attempt only. There is no second time of clearing it in first attempt.

No Excuses- You will get thousands of reason for not studying- from facebook to whatsapp to family functions to family burdens. But this subject does not recognize any excuse. If you have to, then you have to. This is it.

No shortcuts– This is the tough chapter. If I leave this one, still I can make up 50. Let me just go through it quickly, its not that important. If you are doing it like this, then such shortcuts are going to make long cuts in your marks. In CA, each and every thing is important. Dont take shortcut. Always prepare for getting 100 marks!

Stamina– Your body, your mind will give up. You will reach a saturation point. Each cell of your body say, no more please. And this is the time where most of us give up. But don’t. Because this is also the point where victory is only few steps away.

Subject 4: Luck

Objective: To make you aware about harsh reality of life

There are no subject. Nothing here. There can be circumstances where you have prepared the above 3 subjects, but sill can not make it. At such times, don’t lose hope! Luck can be against you once, but trust me, it will be with you next time. And never forget, harder you work luckier you become!

 

Capability, Hard work and Determination- these three are in your hands. Don’t be less than 100 in these three.

For the 4th one, I will say, All the Best..!! :-)

Understanding Accounts the politician way

Income– Kick backs, gunmen for security, bungalow, red beacons car, foreign picnics, money, money, money, money, and more money

Expenditure– Bottles of alcohol that are distributed for buying votes

ImageNon Current Asset– Votes received in the election whose benefits can be reaped for next 5 years.

Current Assets– Cash and gold kept in lockers and those deposited at swiss bank accounts.

Non-Current Liability– Flattering of party high command which a politician has to do for the whole lifetime.

Current Liability– The money and support received from criminals, religious gurus and businessman against which you have to grant favors to them on winning election.

Investment– Money paid in party fund for buying the right to contest election

Capital Loss– Losing an election

Contingent Liability– Chances of being caught in a sting operation or going to jail

Going Concern– The concept that no matter whether a politician goes to jail, no matter how severe charges are against him, no matter how old he becomes, he still remains a politician.

Joint Ventures– Running a coalition government where everyone is concerned only for themselves but pretends to be a team

Debit– MP and MLA of other parties joining your party.

Credit– MP and MLA of your parties joining the other party.

Balance Sheet– A paper on whose left hand side is the record of all the criminal cases against you and on right hand side is the total money in black and in white you have. More the number of cases, more the money, hence both sides are always balanced.

BRS– (vote)Bank Reconciliation Statement where total vote-bank is reconciled with actual number of votes received.

Earning per Share– Money looted from public for each vote given by them.

Indeed the Centre of Excellence: The first Impression!

30 people. From 11 different states of India. Under one roof. For 28 days. Everyday you are given different tasks. No mobile networks. One can’t go outside. A list of rules, 4 page long. And no I am not talking about some crap Bigg Boss airing on TV.

Welcome to COE, Centre of Excellence!

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I heard about this 4 weeks residential program called Personality Skills Development conducted at Hyderabad by Institute of Chartered Accountants of India. After giving away all my happiness for 4 years, my enjoyment, my college life, time, sleep to articleship and classes, I knew that this is the opportunity to get back something from CA. And I enrolled into program.

Never been out of the city alone, never been seen the hostel life, I knew beforehand that this was going to be life changer experience for me. And did it live to my expectations? The 4 weeks experience was way beyond what I could have ever thought!

The first impression

Day 0. It was 11th August, 2013- the day I reached Hyderabad. There was big glass building around 40 floors in height which was the ICICI Bank Headquarter and with reflections of sun pouring from ICICI Bank Building over it, was the campus nurturing the future CFOs of Companies- Centre of Excellence. Was it a hostel or a hotel? There were wooden furnished AC Rooms with LCDs, there was gym, swimming pool, lawn tennis court, a recreational room where we can play TT, carrom, chess, we could sit and relax in lounges, there was a well maintained cafeteria and the lawns were simply beautiful. In outskirts of the city, away from the chaos of traffic, truly going with the name, it was indeed the Centre of Excellence!

After exploring the facilities out there, it was time to interact with other people. From places like Shimoga near Bangluru, to marble city of India, Kishanganj in Rajasthan, to the city infamous for its opium crop, Neemuch in Madhya Pradesh; people were present from all over India. Delhi, Mumbai, Sungroor in Punjab, Jodhpur, Guwahati, Jalgaon in Maharashtra, Patna- There was virtually whole India at one place, called the Centre of Excellence. And we all were locked up there for next 4 weeks! There were no girls which was disappointing but nothing in this world can be perfect, and not having any girl was the only imperfect part of CoE.

That evening, we all sat down in the lawn tennis court and had our first formal introduction with each other. We had all India rank holders, singers, yoga-guru, air-rifle champions, musicians, tech-geeks, politically inclined, writers amongst us. Some were aspiring to be a great entrepreneur,  some were already entrepreneurs, some were looking for jobs, people were having dreams of IAS and while others were still trying to figure out their future. But one thing was common between all, of course apart from CA thing, that we all wanted to gain maximum from the upcoming 4 weeks, both in terms of learning and having fun.

Next Morning. Day 1. Unlike the Bigg Boss house, there was no song playing to wake us up in the morning, and getting ready on time was a big challenge. There was rule that no breakfast will be served after 9:15 AM and our class timings were 9:30 AM. Day 1 only, I and my room partner were late for breakfast, but luckily got a parantha to eat, and the rest we managed with biscuits.

Nevertheless, we reached for our classroom. What a classroom it was- air conditioned, having projectors, mikes on each seat. To top that, everyone was dressed in their finest formals- shirt with ties, blazer and trouser. Even the best of MNCs could not have created such professional environment.

Having no idea what we really are going to learn, the Centre of Excellence kept surprising us. Just look at the activities we had on Day 1 itself- Strategy formation on how to survive in air crash in a desert, presenting our business idea for raising funds, participating in a virtual auction for establishing business and learning how to convert a group into a team.

The class ended at 5PM, but not the day. It was then time to try our hands on TT and Lawn Tennis, and thankfully not many of us were good at playing it. 10 PM was the time we were supposed to go back into the rooms, but they did not specify that into your “own” room. And from there began the legacy of “Club 1Show13” and our late night group project work.

It was all just on the day 1. Some of the creativiti-est class activities, best of speakers from across the countries,  exploration of city of Hyderabad and the craziest bakchodi with hostel mates- these all were awaiting us in next few days. The next few days which were going to be the best few days in the lives of many of us!

 

(More on the experience of CoE, the hostel life and what influence it had on me: Coming Very Soon!)

OFFICE OFFICE: How to migrate from college to correspondence in DU?

Below I have given a brief description of the process of getting migrated from college to SOL in Delhi Universtiy, which is one of the finest example of how things work in an Indian government office!

Preface

So I have cleared my CA-IPCC exam and now I will have to undergo 3 years of article-ship under a CA. And as a result I can’t carry on my college [:'(] and is required to continue my B.Com (Honors) degree from correspondence ie School of Open Learning (SOL).
Below I have given a “brief” description of the process of getting migrated from college to SOL, which is one of the finest example of how things work in an Indian government office:-

1. If you want to get out, first get in:-

Once my first year result was declared and admission process began, I went to the administration block and asked them about leaving the college. I was told that in order to leave the college, first I will have to take admission in second year! So I filled the No Ragging Form > deposited my iCard > got the fee slip > paid the fees in bank and came back to the admin block. “Ok, now give me the college leaving certificate (CLC).”

2. The wait

But for CLC, you would first require to get a No Objection Certificate (NOC) from where you want to take the admission ie the SOL office. So I went there, which is luckily only about a kilometer away, and was asked to go to room no.10. There the sir informed me that you need to write an application and bring your original first year marksheet. “But sir, marksheet hasn’t yet arrived?” “Then come back when the marksheet arrives.”

15 days passed. In the meantime I got my article-ship but since I was still registered with college,  I could join it only when I get migrated to SOL. But there was no sign of marksheet. At the end, me and one of my friend, Prassan, decided to get a copy of marksheet from internet and try to get the NOC. But for the next 3 days, Delhi university’s site was out-of-order (and it still is out-of-order!) Frustrated, we decided to visit the SOL office and ask them if there is any other way.

3. Come, cuss and go

After travelling an hour in metro, me and Prassan reached the room number 10 and asked the ma’am about migration. “I don’t know. Ask the sir.” “Where is the sir?” “I don’t know. He hasn’t yet arrived” So we waited, cussing the DU administration. One hour. Two hour. Our blood pressure was going up. And before we would have killed someone, we decided to leave!

(if you have already started pitying me, then hold your condolences. This is just the beginning of my sufferings!)

The same day, which was friday, we got the news that marksheet has arrived. Yayyeee.. now we will get migration easily, or will we?
On Monday I confirmed the availability of marksheet at college and on Tuesday we were in the college, confident to get the NOC today. But a banner was waiting us- “No Dealing Today”. What luck! It was a strike! We also checked the SOL office as Prassan had already got his marksheet from his college a day earlier, but it was the same situation there- Strike!

4. Finally some progress

The next morning ie on Wednesday, Sept 8th, after so much of unnecessary wastage of time and efforts, we were confused if today we should go or not as it was a three-day strike. But luckily after several attempts Prassan got the phone connected and they informed that yes the office is open. Again, me and Prassan were travelling in the metro, praying to get the NOC.
First I went to my college office > displayed my fee slip > got my renewed iCard > went to another counter > displayed my iCard > got my marksheet. Finally the much awaited marksheet was in my hand. I was more excited at that moment then I was when I actually passed the exams.
I got the marksheet photocopied, wrote an application and presented them to the sir at room number 10. He stamped and signed the application and asked to take it to the ma’am. Ma’am signed the application and asked to take it to room number 4. We roamed and roamed and finally found the room which was of assistant registrar. And surprise! The room was empty. He was busy in a meeting.
I and Prassan decided to have something to eat but returned back halfway fearing that, in the meantime, assistant registrar will fly away. We came back and there was a person, probably his sidekick, in the room. He took our application and brought it signed by the assistant registrar. Finally, we had the NOC in our hand. It was like a battle won.

But the war wasn’t over. It was 12.20 and my college office closes at 12.30!

5. NOC No.2

So I rushed to my college and asked Prassan to purchase the admission form. At the college counter, “Sir, here is the NOC from SOL. Now can I withdraw my admission?” Their reply-“Where is the NOC of the Principal?”

So I wrote another application, this time for the principal. After waiting for around 15 mins, I was allowed to go inside principal’s cabin. So the principal asked that why do you want to leave the college. I explained him the reason that I am doing CA and my CA article ship and college timings would clash. I was sure that he won’t be having any problem in signing the application. But there was the bouncer- What’s the proof that you are doing CA?

(C’mon why else would I leave the regular college and go to SOL. I guess I should have said that I hate your bloody damn college, that’s why I want to migrate! Would he had asked the proof in that case also??)

Having no other, I came back home!

The next day- The trip No.5. This time alone without Prassan. At around 10.30 I reached the principal’s office along with my CA exam mark sheet as proof. He was in a meeting. An hour’s wait and finally I was in. I wanted to throw that marksheet on his face, but then for the respect of marksheet, I controlled myself.

This time with NOC from SOL as well as Principal, I was at the college office. They gave me, no! not the college leaving certificate(CLC), but the clearance form which I have to get it signed from the concerned persons.

6. The signatures

These concerned persons were- Librarian, Fee Assistant, Admission Assistant, Physical Education coach and the NCC officer (phew!). First I went to the librarian, she signed it. Next I searched for the physical education teacher and after two rounds of the college, I gave up. Third was the admission assistant. I went to the admission office and what a luck! He was absent today! Miffed, I came back home.

The next day, on Friday I got ready for my trip number 6. But then I called my friend, Raunak in the college to confirm if the admission assistant is present today. My 6th trip got postponed, he was absent!

(Meanwhile, Prassan has already got his CLC. His college cares for his student, even if they are leaving it.)

7. Lost!

(When I started writing it, I never thought it would go that long but credit to Delhi University!)

I was loosing myself as articleship was getting delayed because of utter nuisance of my college and SOL. Monday was my 6th trip. I didn’t care to confirm if the admission asst was present today, because I have to get the migration done anyhow! I can’t wait for him more.

At college, I met my friend Vinayak who was in the same boat- trying to migrate from the college. He informed me that Clearance Form is not required for CLC, but for security refund. (Wow! This means I can apply for CLC at the very moment.) So along with SOL and Principal’s NOC, I submitted the application for CLC. But then they asked me to also attach the copy of fee receipt.

Copy of fee receipt? Ohk! I can get it photocopied in 5 mins. No problems! But wait a sec! Where is my fee receipt? I frantically searched my folder, my wallet, called Prassan to check with him, called my mom to check in my almiraah. ta-da! I have lost my Fee Receipt!! (When others can delay my work, then why can’t I myself contribute to the delay?)

So I am back at fee office.I wrote another application for lost fee slip (during my whole life before, I haven’t had written so many applications!) While I was telling him that I had deposited the fee around 19th-20th August – don’t know why- he was busy checking the records from 5th-14th August. Obviously, he didn’t find anything! And asked me to come back after 2-3days. But then I persuaded and he asked me come back after lunch.

8. I hate this part the most!

So I had 2 hours in my hands. Vinayak and I thought to meanwhile get the clearance signed by physical education teacher and NCC officer, but couldn’t find either of them. It started pouring from sky. The rain along with the greenery and the whole atmosphere of campus is something I am gonna miss the most about the college! :( There is something special in the air of campus and rain just multiplies this specialty!

2 hours later, I was back at fee counter. Fee assistant began searching the records. But even after so much try, he could find all the records except of the week in which I  deposited the fees! But luckily, he pitied my situation and provided me a new fee slip. I photocopied it and along with the two NOCs, went to the fee assistant to whom I have to apply for CLC.

“Office dealing timings are already over! Would you come anytime you want! I am not accepting it. I have so many other works to do. Come back tomorrow.” First he was absent for 2 days and now he wants to come back tomorrow again!! I was SO FURIOUS!! But then sucking the air between my teeth, I pleaded him (and I hate this pleading part the most!). But I am sure my thoughts were louder than my words and he loved his nose!! So he took my application but.. but.. but

“Get the signatures of fee assistant and the librarian.” I had them on the Clearance Form. “No, but on the NOC received from principal!”

9. Finally!

Till that time, I was clear that I am the most lucky person on the Earth. So when I went to the librarian and found that computers were not working there, I was not surprised or angry. I had to wait for the light to come, so that librarian can check on computer if I have any dues and then sign on the NOC. But after waiting for half an hour, she signed the NOC on the basis of her signatures on clearance form.

Fee assistant also signed it and the admission assistant, finally accepted my application for CLC.

Though I was told that I can collect the CLC next morning only. But I waited for a day and on Wednesday, I had CLC in my hands! But the war wasn’t over. Now I have to take admission in SOL also.

10. Blunder.

So after collecting the CLC, I went to the SOL office. Prassan was with me and we also met Vinayak there. We already had our Demand Drafts prepared (including Rs.100 as the late fees, only because university delayed our marksheet!). After filling up the admission form, we went to Window No.10 and submitted the form, all the documents including CLC and the DD. But he returned it back. We didn’t read that DD was required to be prepared from State Bank of India only! (While Vinayak had it prepared from SBI only, he was sent back because he didn’t have Class 12th passing certificate.)

So we were going to the chief cashier to get the DD signed so that it can be accepted. At that time Prassan commented, “Hey! We both have the same Form Number!” And at that time we realized the blunder. Form comes in a combination- one for admission and other for iCard. So while my admission form number was 15 and his was 16, we had interchanged the iCard forms! (Wow! When things go wrong, they all go wrong together!)

So we bought new forms and filled them. This time without any mistake. The chief cashier also signed at the back of our DD and we were again back at window no.10

11.SOL > College > SOL > College > SOL

While Prassan’s form was accepted, mine was not! (Why everything was supposed to happen with me? Why? why? WHY!) My CLC didn’t have University Enrollment Number mentioned on it .(After so much of efforts they gave me CLC and that too incomplete!) I was asked to get the number from the college.

I went to admission office of my college, but the admission assistant said that college hasn’t received them and will get them in October. Obviously, I couldn’t wait till October. I went back to the SOL Window No.10. It was lunch, so I waited for an hour.

After lunch, “Your college is stupid!” He informed me that every college themselves allot this number and wrote a note and asked me to present it to a teacher in my college. Back to college, I presented the note to that teacher. He dialed a number and asked me to go to admission office. At admission office, they explained me the whole process of how enrollment number is allocated and how they don’t have it.

I don’t know a shit about this enrollment number. I had no idea, who was right and who was wrong. Neither did I care. All I wanted was give me the admission in SOL so that I can join my articleship!

Again at Window No.10. He was not impressed with the explanation but then he accepted my form (though I had to pay Rs.200 extra in the absence of enrollment number) and asked me to submit the enrollment number as soon as I get it.

Epilogue- It’s all over, Almost!

So finally my migration process is over! My forms are accepted. But is it actually completely over?

I haven’t yet submitted my clearance form to get back my security amount. The fee is yet to be refunded. I still have to collect my university enrollment number and submit it to SOL. I haven’t yet received my books as the stock was over. And I still have to collect my iCard.

But what matters  is that I have received the admission receipt from SOL which I can present to begin my articleship! :)

Thanks if you have actually dared to read it full! You can imagine, it’s so difficult to read, how I would have actually faced it!

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