An Auditor’s Approach Towards Cooking

There is this story about a fish. For the entire life, she was kept in an aquarium bowl. One day, her master decided to let her free in the ocean. But in the ocean also, the fish kept on revolving at one place as that’s the only thing she knew.

Auditors are like this fish. Right from their articleship, the only thing they are taught is to find mistakes. These are the people who ask the doctor about the sampling technique used before giving a blood sample. Wherever you put these auditors, they just start their audit process.

To prove this, we did a small experiment. We picked up an auditor and threw him in a kitchen with a cook. A normal person might have learnt some cooking tips or enjoyed his favourite dishes in kitchen. But auditors are special (read: abnormal). After spending a day in kitchen, he came out (actually thrown out by the cook!) with this- ‘ A Guide to Audit of a Kitchen’

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AUDIT OF A KITCHEN

Kitchen is the production area of any household where raw materials such as potatoes, cheese, pulses are transformed into finished products called as breakfast, lunch or dinner, depending upon the time it is consumed. Various consumables like oil, ghee, spices are used to carry out the transformatiom process, called as cooking.

Being one of the biggest cost centre of any house, it is necessary that the kitchen is always working in the most efficient and effective manner. For this, it is recommended that an audit of cooking process is carried out each quarter by an external, independent agency. The audit process should follow the following guidelines-

1. Gaining Process Knowledge

Visit any recipe site like tarladalal.com  to learn about standards applicable during preparation of various items. Auditor may also refer tutorial videos of Sanjeev Kapoor for the same. During the exercise, special care should be given to technical jargons such as “namak swaad anusaar“. Also, the auditor should make himself comfortable with both Hindi and English name of spices, so that he is not struck with question like “Hing ko English mein kya bolte hai?”

2. System Walk through

The auditor should visit the actual site i.e. kitchen and have a system walk-through of the cooking process. The walk through should include the purchasing process of raw materials and consumables, selection criteria for food to be cooked, process of cooking, estimations and the complaint handling process.

3. Audit Planning

After becoming familiar with the whole process, the auditor should prepare an audit plan and check list of points to be covered. The check list may include checking of purchases, tasting the food before it is served, reconciliation of actual production vis a vis consumption, sample survey of consumers and the treatment given to scrap.

4. Execution

  • Purchases: The auditor should obtain the list of all purchases including vegetables, spices, cooking oil, and salads made during the audit period. On sampling basis, it should obtain the purchase orders and check if the tendering process has been adequately followed. If should be checked that the quotations from each vegetable seller has been obtained and the PO has been issued to L1 vendor after adequate bargaining. The quality certificates of purchases should also be checked. Analytical procedures must also be applied to check if purchases have been made on the basis of minimum order levels. Excess purchase of vegetables like gheeya and tori, should specifically be pointed out in the audit report.
  • Stock: Details of stock lying in kitchen along with those under production should be obtained. Stock turnover ratio may be computed to determine fast, slow and non-moving items. A surprise physical verification may also conducted on the basis of ABC Analysis of different items. Material lying unused for a long period may be disposed off to a stray dog or cow. Special attention should be given to FoC (Free of Charge) items such as ketchup and chilly flakes sachets coming along with burgers and pizzas.
  • Production Process:  The process of production or the cooking is the most vital process of the system. It should be ensured that it is done by personnel having sufficient experience in this field. Auditor may ask such personnel to prepare items like gajar ka halwa to test their capabilities. It should be ensured that selection process of item to be prepared consider all the factors including available stock, health meter and the feedback of consumers. Items like baingan ka bharta should be discouraged. The efficiency ratio of gas usage for each item prepared should also be checked by auditor. In the end, each of the item prepared should be tasted by the auditor and given marks accordingly.
  • Reconciliation: Reconciliation is done at two levels. The first is of raw material. Purchases should be reduced with standard level of consumption to arrive at closing stock. Any material deviation should be enquired into and reported accordingly. The second reconciliation is of finished product. The auditor should check the quantity of item produced and must reconcile it with the total number of people present. Adequate weighage should be given to the weight of each consumer. It should also be checked that whether any item left unused has been utilized the subsequent day.
  • Consumer Feedback: The consumer feedback mechanism should also be checked. The auditor may conduct a sample survey regarding the quality of food. However, while conducting the survey it should be ensured that the cook had not prepared paneer that day.

5. Reporting– For reporting purpose, the auditor should note its weight before and after the audit on that basis must issue its report.

  • If the weight has increased- The food prepared is unhealthy and unhygienic resulting in the problem of obesity among the consumers
  • If the weight has reduced- The cooking process is unable to meet the demands of the people and as a result they are being forced to starve.
  • If the weight remains same- The whole process of cooking is a waste and does not provide any benefit to the consumer.

Decoding Independent Auditors Report

Pre: Dedicated to all who at point of time have audited or have been subjected to audit. Do read an original Audit Report here.

Independent Auditors’ Report

TO THE MEMBERS (if at all they care for anything more than the free lunch on offer at AGM)

 

REPORT ON THE FINANCIAL STATEMENTS

We have audited made money from the accompanying financial fraudulent statements of ABC Limited (the Company), which comprise the window dressed Balance Sheet as at March 31, 2014, the Statement of Inflated Profit and Hidden Loss and Cash (white, not black) Flow Statement for the year then ended, and a summary of insignificant accounting policies and other explanatory information which even we cannot understand.

 

MANAGEMENT’S RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE FINANCIAL STATEMENTS

The Company’s Management is responsible for the preparation of these fraudulent statements, that give a true (lol) and fair (fairer than Neil Nitin Mukesh!) view of the beguile performance and imaginative cash flow of the Company in accordance with the Accounting Standards taught by Praveen Sharma Sir and in accordance with the deviations from principles generally accepted in India. To cut it short, arrest the management, not me, for any fraud, because they are the one responsible for everything- be it the Iraq war or Argentina’s defeat in finals. I am, all the way, irresponsible.

 

AUDITORS’ RESPONSIBILITY

Our responsibility is to hide lies about these fraudulent statements based on our so called audit. We conducted our audit in accordance with the Standard of the client. Those Standards require that client should pay high audit fees and should not lose his temper on being produced reimbursement bills for expenses which we never incurred during audit.

An audit involves performing any bloody kind of procedures to make client believe to increase next year’s audit fees. The procedures selected depend on the auditor’s judgment article’s stupidity, including the application of half-baked IPCC knowledge with full attitude and confidence, whether correct or not. In making those half-baked assessments, we ignore all kinds of risk of material misstatements and consider whatever the client says as the only truth. The auditor considers internal control blah blah, copy paste blah blah blah who cares blah blah who reads blah blah accounting jargons blah blah report length increased. We believe that the absurd queries we have raised are sufficient and appropriate to provide a basis for mental harassment case.

 

OPINION

In my opinion (I guess so) and for the best of lunches and dinners given to us the aforesaid fraudulent statements give the information required in the manner so as to increase share prices and give a varnished and shammed view in conformity with the accounting deception principles generally followed in India:

(a) In the case of the Sham Balance Sheet, hiding the sorry state of affairs of the Company;

(b) In the case of the Statement of Profit and Loss, manufacturing profits in books; and

(c) In the case of the Cash Flow Statement, taking care of all the black money.

 

REPORT ON OTHER LEGAL AND REGULATORY REQUIREMENTS

1. As required by the CARO, but since I left this topic during examination, we cannot give in the Annexure a statement on the matters specified in paragraphs 4 and 5 of the Order.

2. As required by my senior:

a. We have obtained all the bills and the excess reimbursements for pizzas and chips necessary for the purpose of our audit;

b. In our opinion, the clients has sufficiently been blackmailed and made to suffer so far as appears from our examination of their faces.

c. The Balance Sheet, the Statement of Profit and Loss, and the Cash Flow Statement dealt with by this Report are in agreement with the amount of audit fees paid.

d. In our opinion, the Balance Sheet, the Statement of Profit and Loss, and the Cash Flow Statement comply with Accounting Standards and even if they don’t, I really don’t care.

e. On the basis of the written representations received from the directors as on March 31, 2014, taken on record by the Board of Directors, none of the directors is disqualified as on March 31, 2014, from being appointed as a director in terms of Section 274(1)(g) of the Act, but the manner in which they run the company, they all should be disqualified!

 

For the most scrooge firm of

Chartered Accountants

(Firm Registration No. 000420X)

 

<Autograph valued more than that of any celebrity>

 

ABC

Partner

Membership No BB Pin.:

Delhi

Date : < 2 days before board meeting>

 

 

P.S.: The audit report is independent of financial statements and has nothing to do with books of accounts. It is a work of fiction and any resemblance or non-resemblance to actual state of affairs is purely co-incidental.

 

Third Group of CA Exams..!!

We all study Accounts, Law, Audit, Cost, Income Tax, and others. But why is it so that only handful are able to pass them? Some say, my Taxation is weak, I cant understand the concepts of Financial Management or some blame it on ISCA or Audit. But do you really think Accounts, Cost, Audit, Law, Tax are the subjects what makes you a Chartered Accountant?

Whenever you see results, you only see marks of Group 1 and Group 2. But there is another, the third group which you need to qualify for. Its the group whose exams are not limited to 3 hours, but continue throughout your life as future Chartered Accountants.

Like the other two group, you have four subjects in this group also with compulsion to pass all four. Lets take a look at these subjects and their content.

Subject 1: Capability-

Objective: To determine whether you have the ability to achieve your goal.

Content of the subject:

Past performance– Performance in school /college level determines your capabilities. If you have not been able to perform at those levels, then you need to buck up and improve your capabilities.

Clarity over fundamentals–  For those who only study for marks and do not believe in understanding the concepts at its core, its a tough road for you ahead. A person having basics of the subject clear is surely more capable than “muggers“.

Learnings from Articleship– The hours that one puts in in his articleship plays a very significant role in mental grooming – making you a lot more mature and capable of handling pressure. A dummy only makes you lethargic and less hard working.

Grasp over language–  Its not about English language or the language of law, its about conveying what you actually wants to convey. Knowing how to answer is as important as knowing the answer and this capability can get you those extra marks.

Intelligence Level– Every human being has his/her strong and weak points which influences their capability. Their are people who are called “born” intelligent, but then there are those who have to make themselves intelligent.

Subject 2: Hard Work

Objective: To check how much you can put it to achieve your goal

Achieving your targets-  For achieving any goal, its necessary to set small targets and then making sure that you achieve them, no matter how much hard work you have to put in.

Regularity/Time– Its not your college or school exams where you needed to put hardwork only during exams. One is required to work hard on continuous basis and in a regular manner.

Going in Depth- Its CA exam,  and you are expected to know everything in detail. Whatever you study, study in depth. No mugging up, not to consider any topic irrelevant and to obtain full understanding of each and every topic.

Smart Work- With hard work, its necessary to put the smart work. But beware of the thin line between smart and over smart.

Subject 3: Determination

Objective: To see how far you can go to achieve your goal

Content of the Subject:

The last attempt– There is always a next time. If you are preparing with this thought in mind, better give it the next time. Be determined to clear the exams in this attempt only. There is no second time of clearing it in first attempt.

No Excuses- You will get thousands of reason for not studying- from facebook to whatsapp to family functions to family burdens. But this subject does not recognize any excuse. If you have to, then you have to. This is it.

No shortcuts– This is the tough chapter. If I leave this one, still I can make up 50. Let me just go through it quickly, its not that important. If you are doing it like this, then such shortcuts are going to make long cuts in your marks. In CA, each and every thing is important. Dont take shortcut. Always prepare for getting 100 marks!

Stamina– Your body, your mind will give up. You will reach a saturation point. Each cell of your body say, no more please. And this is the time where most of us give up. But don’t. Because this is also the point where victory is only few steps away.

Subject 4: Luck

Objective: To make you aware about harsh reality of life

There are no subject. Nothing here. There can be circumstances where you have prepared the above 3 subjects, but sill can not make it. At such times, don’t lose hope! Luck can be against you once, but trust me, it will be with you next time. And never forget, harder you work luckier you become!

 

Capability, Hard work and Determination- these three are in your hands. Don’t be less than 100 in these three.

For the 4th one, I will say, All the Best..!! :-)

Indeed the Centre of Excellence: The first Impression!

30 people. From 11 different states of India. Under one roof. For 28 days. Everyday you are given different tasks. No mobile networks. One can’t go outside. A list of rules, 4 page long. And no I am not talking about some crap Bigg Boss airing on TV.

Welcome to COE, Centre of Excellence!

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I heard about this 4 weeks residential program called Personality Skills Development conducted at Hyderabad by Institute of Chartered Accountants of India. After giving away all my happiness for 4 years, my enjoyment, my college life, time, sleep to articleship and classes, I knew that this is the opportunity to get back something from CA. And I enrolled into program.

Never been out of the city alone, never been seen the hostel life, I knew beforehand that this was going to be life changer experience for me. And did it live to my expectations? The 4 weeks experience was way beyond what I could have ever thought!

The first impression

Day 0. It was 11th August, 2013- the day I reached Hyderabad. There was big glass building around 40 floors in height which was the ICICI Bank Headquarter and with reflections of sun pouring from ICICI Bank Building over it, was the campus nurturing the future CFOs of Companies- Centre of Excellence. Was it a hostel or a hotel? There were wooden furnished AC Rooms with LCDs, there was gym, swimming pool, lawn tennis court, a recreational room where we can play TT, carrom, chess, we could sit and relax in lounges, there was a well maintained cafeteria and the lawns were simply beautiful. In outskirts of the city, away from the chaos of traffic, truly going with the name, it was indeed the Centre of Excellence!

After exploring the facilities out there, it was time to interact with other people. From places like Shimoga near Bangluru, to marble city of India, Kishanganj in Rajasthan, to the city infamous for its opium crop, Neemuch in Madhya Pradesh; people were present from all over India. Delhi, Mumbai, Sungroor in Punjab, Jodhpur, Guwahati, Jalgaon in Maharashtra, Patna- There was virtually whole India at one place, called the Centre of Excellence. And we all were locked up there for next 4 weeks! There were no girls which was disappointing but nothing in this world can be perfect, and not having any girl was the only imperfect part of CoE.

That evening, we all sat down in the lawn tennis court and had our first formal introduction with each other. We had all India rank holders, singers, yoga-guru, air-rifle champions, musicians, tech-geeks, politically inclined, writers amongst us. Some were aspiring to be a great entrepreneur,  some were already entrepreneurs, some were looking for jobs, people were having dreams of IAS and while others were still trying to figure out their future. But one thing was common between all, of course apart from CA thing, that we all wanted to gain maximum from the upcoming 4 weeks, both in terms of learning and having fun.

Next Morning. Day 1. Unlike the Bigg Boss house, there was no song playing to wake us up in the morning, and getting ready on time was a big challenge. There was rule that no breakfast will be served after 9:15 AM and our class timings were 9:30 AM. Day 1 only, I and my room partner were late for breakfast, but luckily got a parantha to eat, and the rest we managed with biscuits.

Nevertheless, we reached for our classroom. What a classroom it was- air conditioned, having projectors, mikes on each seat. To top that, everyone was dressed in their finest formals- shirt with ties, blazer and trouser. Even the best of MNCs could not have created such professional environment.

Having no idea what we really are going to learn, the Centre of Excellence kept surprising us. Just look at the activities we had on Day 1 itself- Strategy formation on how to survive in air crash in a desert, presenting our business idea for raising funds, participating in a virtual auction for establishing business and learning how to convert a group into a team.

The class ended at 5PM, but not the day. It was then time to try our hands on TT and Lawn Tennis, and thankfully not many of us were good at playing it. 10 PM was the time we were supposed to go back into the rooms, but they did not specify that into your “own” room. And from there began the legacy of “Club 1Show13” and our late night group project work.

It was all just on the day 1. Some of the creativiti-est class activities, best of speakers from across the countries,  exploration of city of Hyderabad and the craziest bakchodi with hostel mates- these all were awaiting us in next few days. The next few days which were going to be the best few days in the lives of many of us!

 

(More on the experience of CoE, the hostel life and what influence it had on me: Coming Very Soon!)

Will be back Soon!


Right now I am in a really bad mood… completely frustrated and xhauseted.. first it was ITT(30th nov to 7th Jan)… then college xams(7th jan to 16th jan) and when today i was counting 2 more days to go, for the life to begin.. the OC (Orientation Course) strikes!!! damm… another week of mental tourcher !!!!


But lucky for you, you wont have to bear my blog for another week!!

Wake Up Sid!

For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin–real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.”

-taken from my Friend Abhijeet’s Orkut Profile

These are the words which are guiding my life nowadays. For a long timeit seemed to me that after my 12th boards life would begin–college life. But then there come the obstacle in the form of CA. I thought about leaving CA and enjoy my college life. But then I thought about my future, my career. AT last it dawned on me that this obstacle- CA is my life.

In my previous post, i talked about the the unnecessary fuzz about becoming 18, an adult. But within a week life has taught me what it takes to be an adult. Life has suddenly become so demanding. You have college till 2-3PM and as you come back, its time for CA classes. And then of course, self study. And when you try and a have a look in the future, you realize things are going to be worse. But these obstacles are my life.

The alarm clock is ringing. I can snooze it and enjoy few more minutes of sleep. But then only I will have to hurry up and still is going to be late. Few more minutes of sleep, may affect my whole day. The other option: to wake up!

I cried when I was born. I cried when I first went to school. I cried when I changed my school and today also I am sad while entering this new phase of life. But then after few years when I will be entering another phase of life, I would be happy that I faced the obstacles and emerged winner, like I am today about my previous phases of life.

Hardwork has no substitute and I have no other option but to put my 100% to become a CA. But, of course, that does not mean fun factor has been multiplied by 0 in my life. I am still enjoying my college life, writing blog, talking on phones for hours, hanging with friends and on top of that has also started learning guitar. In this new phase, I might be working harder but I have not compromized with fun.

All the sleeps and dreams are over. Its time to wake up or else go down in life

Life is not only about Happiness, but also about The Pursuit of Happiness!!

The real life has, indeed, began.