New Entrant in Delhi Elections: Ajab Gazab Party (AGP)

Congress is talking about development, BJP is relying on the wave of Modi and AAP is all up for a change. But the entrance of a new party at the last moment in Delhi elections has turned the tables. This party calls itself Ajab Gazab Party ie AGP and has tangled earphone as its party logo. Talking to the party president, he explains,”What is the biggest challenge a common man is facing today? Water, Electricity, Household, Corruption, Inflation? No! Its untangling your earphones. We promise to pass an Anti-tangling Law to get people rid of this problem.”

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The party has been able to hit the right chord among the voters of Delhi, through its incredible party manifesto. Some of the promises made in the manifesto includes-

1. Sulabh Charging Centre at Every 500 metres– Why built toilets when people are, anyways going to pee on walls. What we actually need today is charging centre for our cell phones and the party promises to built one at every 500 metres. These centres will also have special reservations for Nokia and Blackberry users. “Save mobiles, don’t let them go off” is what the party believes in.

2. Anti-Tangling Law- The party will call a special assembly session at Gaffar Market where the Anti-Tangling Law will be passed. This law will make in mandatory for all mobile sellers to provide wireless earphone free of cost with every mobile purchase.

3. Private Shelters for Needy Couples- Its heart-wrecking to see couples making love in public especially in parks. Party will make special private shelters in the abandoned CommonWealth Games Stadiums where couples can go and do whatever they want. Police forces will be specially trained for not harassing such couples.

4. No Ladies coach in Delhi Metro- The party promises to bring those glorious days back when there was no reservation for ladies in metro. However, reservation for aunties will continue to be applied.

5. Removing Gender Bias in Sledging– Delhi is known as the sledging capital of India with most use of the cuss words. However these words are dominated by female gender. The party will run the awareness campaign and will make sure that fathers and brothers are used as frequently as mothers and sisters. This will promote family unity in the city.

The other promises of party include removing ban from facebook in offices, making Yo You Honey Singh as the cultural and arts minister, making all the delicacies of Chandani Chowk available at Jantar Mantar for the people sitting on anshan and fixing rates of bribe for police officers.

In last few days, the party has been stung by a sting operation showing some of its members still having accounts on Orkut. However AGP has denied all the charged and has called the accounts as fake.

It will be interesting to see what the voters have in mind, but one thing is for sure, AGP is the party to look for in the Delhi Elections.

Note: This in not a paid news and we have not been paid any wireless earphone for carrying this article.

9 Things You should Know about Delhi Metro Travelers

Dedicated to those morons who rape this world class system everyday!
 

1. Metro-ites value their time the most– Thats why they can’t wait for others to get down and will break any line, push any one to get inside the metro, instead og wasting theri precious 2 minutes in waiting for the next.

2. Metro-ites know how to save their natural resources- by not taking bath for days to save water and not even using deo’s to protect the ozone layer

3. Metro-ites are most health conscious– As a resul the seat made for 7 people will have 8 or sometimes even 9 people sitting there

4. Metro-ites respect their elders– Thats why they keep their elders standing and bow their heads down as soon as any of them comes near to the place where they are sited.

5. Metro-ites are focused towards their goal– They will push anybody and everybody, no matter if its a woman or an elderly person. They will break all the lines. They won’t mind being pushed and insulted. Their focus will always remain on getting that seat

6.  Metro-ites respect the women the most– Thats why all men will keep gazing at that girl with the most protective eyes, so that no-one can hurt her and also you have so many of them guarding the pathway to the women’s coach.

7. Metro-ites love to be in the queue– That’s why they will make one of their own

8. Metro-ites miss their moms and sisters the most– Hence they will remember them is every alternate dialog they speak.

9. Metro-ites are the most helpful– They will automatically push you inside and outside the metro without you doing anything.


Also Read:
How to get a seat in Delhi Metro

How to get a seat in the Delhi Metro?

This blog post is applicable only if you satisfy all the following conditions:

1. You are a regular metro commuter.

2. You are a men

3. You are aged between 15-50 (provided you still haven’t got white hairs)

4. You are uneducated or you won’t mind being called educated illiterate.

5. You value a seat in metro more than your self-respect.

If you satisfy all the above conditions then this post is for you- Some very easy to apply tricks of getting a seat in Delhi Metro.

1. The use of Oranges– Watch Comedy Circus and take some tips from Krishna and Sudesh on how to dress up like a woman.

2. Think, thing and think- The more you will think, faster your hairs will turn white. And with white hairs, all you have to do is find a person who still has some etiquette left in him.

3. Be a Gandhian– Carry a stick with you. Even if it doesn’t land you a seat, atleast it will provide support while standing

4. You are the VIP – 10 people are standing in queue on both sides of the door. Come and stand right in front of the door. No need to care about how people will get out from the metro, that’s there headache.

5. Who needs a seat– Why hassle for the seat, when you can always get down on the floors of the train. You can easily lay down there. Of course, you can always have a fight if someone touches his feet to you.

6. Have your own seat– Carry bags with you. Make them stand besides the pole and there you have your own seat.

7. Pay Rs.50 fine– Travelling on top of metro attracts a fine of Rs.50. Of course, you wont mind Rs.50 for an open air comfortable metro ride.

8. Please adjust– When we Indians can have a whole joint family in a Maruti 800, then of course they can adjust  to have 100 people sitting on a seven seater in Delhi Metro.

9. Be a Human Behavioral specialist- Study the behavior of people sitting and predict who will get down on which station. On that basis go and stand in front of him.

10. When nothing works, family helps– I am sure if you give reference to the name of your minister uncle, the driver will give a seat with him in his cabin.

Note: Once you get the seat, put earphones and don’t you dare look up to the auntie whose eyes will make feel so humiliated that you will have no choice but to vacate your hard earned seat.

Follow these tricks, and if nothing works, get yourself a job of metro driver!

 

Jokes apart, Metro is, undoubtedly, the best thing to have ever happened to Delhi. And for this hats off to that one man,  E. Sreedharan. Take a bow

The Great IPL Break-up: Changing loyalties from Delhi to KKR

Break-ups are never so easy. But one has to face them. This IPL season, I am facing this bitter truth of life.

 

It was 2008. A new cricketing era, IPL began. Among the 8 teams, it was natural for me to fall in for my own city team, Delhi Daredevils. No it didn’t has Priety or Shilpa or Sharukh, neither did it has hot cheerleaders. Even the God Sachin and King Dhoni were not there. But I backed my home city. And it wasn’t just an emotional choice. With SehwagGambhir, Warner, Dilshan and Devillers in batting, and the great McGrath, Vettori, Mishra, Nannes and Nehra in bowling, Delhi was one heck of a formidable side!

 

I cheered them, whenever Sehwag blasted the opposition bowlers or Dilshan played his dil-scoop; I applauded McGrath’s accuracy, Nannes’ speed and Mishra’s cunningness. I was with them, when Shoib Akhtar destroyed their batting line up, and also when Gilchrist’s blinder threw them out from the semis. They didn’t make it to the semis in 2010, but there were hopes and confidence that this Delhi Daredevils squad will gain the glory this season.

 

But in January 2011, something happened and all the dreams were shattered and hopes flew away. That month, players’ auction took place and with almost all top Delhi players (barring Sehwag and Warner), all my dreams were also auctioned. I was a heartbreak. The new team was not the team I supported for three years. Gambhir, the devil’s captain in 2010 and a trademark Delhi lad, was no-more ours (and I will never forgive you for that GMR). Team neither had the big names or fire power, nor the talent. And soon, it also lost my support. :(

 

It wasn’t an easy decision. My mind was full of thoughts. “C’mon, Delhi is my hometown! How can I not support it? And still we have Sehwag, so anything is possible!” But then, “how can I support a team whose even 11 players I can’t name! Compare it with last year’s squad. Is it even worth being called a team?” I no longer could have bear the pain. To make decision easier (and more painful) was Delhi’s performance in initial matches. And finally, I took that hard step- I broke up with Delhi, my once very own team.

 

Disappointed, without any team to support, IPL seemed to be of no interest. I had to choose a new team to support- a team which is as strong as Delhi once was and a team which can still make me feel proud to be Delhite. And there I was, doing korbo, lorbo, jeetbo for Kokatta Knightriders– the team led my Delhi’s very own Gautam Gambhir.

 

This season I am up for you Shahrukh. This season is will cheer for Kallis consistency, Gauti’s class and Yusuf’s unleashing power. Then we have Lee’s pace as well as World No.2 all rounder Shakib ul Hasan. This is the team of the season, and I am sure on 28th May, Gambhir will lift that IPL trophy. And that would be a big slap on the face of GMR!

 

Korbo lorbo jeetbo re! Korbo lorbo re! Jeetbo re! Jeetbo re! Go KKR!!!

 

 

P.S.: I must also admit that though I am 100% committed to KKR, but my first love will always remain Delhi :(. And I hope they make a comeback next season with a better team and also with a better jersey!