Which sperm is your IPL team? (2012)

Dr. Chaddha, the fertility specialist, is back. After making the life of Vicky Donor, he has been appointed by IPL to analyze the sperms of each team. This is what he has to say about the sperms of each team-

Which sperm is your IPL team

Delhi Daredevils- Dabanng sperm

Llike name, like sperm- fearless i.e. DABANGG. With such a strong batting line up and an inform bowling attack, this team fearlessly sits at the top of the points table. No doubt  the sperm donor for this team is the captain and dabanggest of all, Virendra Sehwag

Royal Challenger Banglore- High flying sperm

No prizes for guessing why this team is never low on spirit. Whether its airline flies or not, but one person is making the bowl fly like anything. Credit to this man-Chris Gayle- whose sperms are taking them higher and higher on the points table.

Rajasthan Royals- The vintage sperm
The team which gives you a glimpse of classic vintage cricket combined with new generation extravaganza. The team has class of dravid and the young blood of Rahane who idolizes the former. Having warne as the original donor, this team now feeds on the sperms of the wall and despite playing so well, is unfortunate to be out of the tournament.

Kolkata Knightriders- The serious sperm
For first three season, the time was on high doze of entertainment sperm of their team owner. But last season, they got blessed with the ‘gambhir ‘(serious) sperm of Gautam Gambhir and the results are for everyone to see. The effect of this serious sperm can be clearly seen in the way you will find SRK watching match hiding all his emotions against the SRK of Season 1 who would be dancing on every single taken.

Pune Warriors India- The supportive sperm

They formed a team, played and justified their name, “Sahara” by supporting other teams in winning.   Wish they gain some comeback sperms from their current and ex-captains and make a bang in the next season.

Mumbai Indians- The powerpuff sperm

With so many powerpuff donors in the likes of Sachin, Malinga and Pollard, this side is by far the most powerful side of the tournament. Despite performing way below their capability, they are a strong contender of making all the way. Just wished they would have got some better captaincy sperms.

Kings XI Punjab- The silent sperm

People of Punjab are probably the loudest in the way they live, but their team bears the sperms of a silent killer. The team does not have any star name in their line up, but quietly they kept on performing and may well qualify for the playoffs.

Deccan Chargers- The buttery sperm

What’s the biggest irony then having the world’s best bowler in your squad and still being labelled as the weakest bowling attack. And the major culprit for the same, are their fielders who are blessed with buttery fingers. No doubt their sperm donor is a worker in Amul factory. The team will surely like to forget this disastrous season and would like to recharge themselves for next year.

Chennai SuperKings- The lost-charisma sperm

The biggest disappointment of this year’s IPL has been the defending champion CSK. Like leader, like team- the team appears to has lost its charisma and were never able to present themselves as a strong defender.  Captain’s sperms have surely lost their count.

With sperm racing entering in its last leg, it would be interesting to see that who makes it to the cup of 27th of May.

The Burst Of IPL Bubble: Reasons Why IPL 2011 failed!

Has the IPL bubble finally burst?

Answer the following question and you may yourself get the answer-

>Do you know which team is currently at top of points table in IPL?
>Do you know that IPL this year has a new trophy?
>Do you know when are the finals?
>Do you even remember any particular match from this year’s season?
>Do you know the format of this year’s tournament?
>Do you know who is the chairman of IPL this season?
>Do you know which team Dele Styne plays for in IPL?
>Do you regularly watch IPL on TV?
>Are you even interested in IPL this year?

Isn’t it amazing how most of the YES have now changed to NO this year!

I have tried to put up some of the key reasons why we are getting such a dip in TV ratings and empty stands during the matches.

1. Excess of anything is bad
The death certificate of IPL was already signed when BCCI decided to coduct it just 5 days after the World Cup. Cmon not even a die hard fan can take so much dosage of cricket! We wanted to see our cricketers resting, not again playing in some domestic tournament, after giving us the biggest gift.

2. The pinnacle of everything
The World Cup win! After reaching the highest peak, everything else appears low. It was the biggest dream of every cricket fan in India and it had finally came true. And after that nothing else matters. We all wanted to further enjoy and live in our dreams. But IPL gave us very little time to even allow the feeling to sunk in. When you have just experienced how it feels to win a World Cup, can a win by Mumbai or CSK mean anything to you???? No! And when you are not emotionally attached to a match, you just can’t enjoy it!

3. Swapping of players
I support a team for three years. I support their players. I follow them. I discuss about their strenghts and weaknesses. And what happens after 3 years? The team is entirely dissolved! And you have all new players in your team. Sangakara, the captain of Punjab is now the captain of Deccan and Gilchrist the captain of Deccan is now the captain of Punjab. Gambhir the captain of Delhi is now captaining Kolkatta and the prince of Kolkatta Ganguly is playing for Pune, Pune also comprises the Punjab guy Yuvraj. Yusuf who touched the fame through Rajasthan is now with Kolkatta while Rajasthan has Banglore‘s once icon player Dravid. Whenever Gayle hits a six, I still feel he is playing for Kolkatta.
I don’t what the teams thought. But they simply acted foolishly- both in cricketing and business sense. One of the basic funda of marketing is thatyou have to keep your identity intact. But the IPL teams (barring Chennai and Mumbai) lost their identity in players auction. Not only it created confusion, teams also lost their loyal fanbase (Read: The great IPL breakup)

4. The deteriorating quality
The two new teams were added. And with the clause of maximum of 4 foreign players in a team, this meant there were 70 positions available for Indians. And that’s obvious, that not all 70 can be of international standards. Even among foreign players, there were no English, Pakistanis, West Indians (barring Gayle) and most of the Australians. Thats why probably you had so many dropped catches!

5. The row over pitch
In one match, you have teams chasing down targets in excess of 200. Then in another match, team faces difficulty in achieving 100 runs only! It was required that pitches should have been uniform with only slight variations. Such inconsistency, puts people off.

6. The longer and confusing format
Even team is supposed to play 2 matches with every other team. Yet you have a team only playing 14 matches in a league of 10 teams. This is because a team plays two matches with 5 teams and only one with other 4. Nobody had the clue which team will play which team and how many teams. Everything was all so confusing. Even the semi-final stage has been twisted and made more complicated.

7. Where are the nail-bitters?
It is expected that shorter the version of cricket, more close finishes it will have. But except the first game, not even a single game had gone down to wire. If a sporting can’t give you adrenaline rush, it’s a waste!
There was either no competition for top 4 slot. Only about at the half stage of league, 4 teams to make it to the semis were clear and it was only a formality left to go through the next half.

8. Missing media buzz
For good or bad reasons, IPL had always remained on the front page during the first three season. Its coverage used to begin from weeks before its actual commencement. Call it the World Cup effect or the lack of glitters from IPL (the opening ceremony was so plain!), this time the IPL buzz just didn”t go around. From hours of non-stop coverage, it was reduced to only a scroll at the bottom of the screen.

9. We missed Lalit Modi
Love him or hate him, but you can’t deny that he was the face of IPL. Under him, IPL was an ambitious project with different ideas and innovations. It was something larger than life. Now, it only appears to be a monotonously managed business.

10. The IPL controversies
There was Modi vs Tharoor, then there was exit of Modi, IT raiding IPL offices, and then there were suspension of teams, followed by court orders to revoke the suspensions. Latest acquisition by Shane Warne over pitch makes you wonder if all teams actually get equal opportunity. While controversies surrounding players, attract more eye balls, these internal politics are only sore for the eyes!

Here, I would also to make a point that its only the 2011 season which has failed, not the whole of the IPL. IPL is still the future of cricket and nothing has affected its viability in the long run. But certain things are required to be taken care of for fututre seasons-

  • Have a clear window in the calender for IPL
  • Such swapping of the whole teams should be avoided in future
  • Allow pakistanis to participate in next season. They add that extra spice in the whole league.
  • Spend some money on advertisement, for creating a buzz.
  • Don’t forget only way to have IPL at par with EPL or NBA is by creation of team loyalities
  • Don’t let the standard of cricket fall, even if it means taking the I for India away from IPL
  • Most importantly, don’t forget, IPL is still all about cricket!

This season is only a correction, and a message for business houses that IPL is no longer a money-making machine. You will earn money only if you will perform well and make your strategies with cricket in mind.

I am eagerly waiting for the IPL’s next season to see what BCCI and team franchisees will do to bring IPL on track. What do you think? Will the next season of IPL again be a success?

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Also Read:

The Great IPL Break-up: Changing loyalties from Delhi to KKR

Break-ups are never so easy. But one has to face them. This IPL season, I am facing this bitter truth of life.

 

It was 2008. A new cricketing era, IPL began. Among the 8 teams, it was natural for me to fall in for my own city team, Delhi Daredevils. No it didn’t has Priety or Shilpa or Sharukh, neither did it has hot cheerleaders. Even the God Sachin and King Dhoni were not there. But I backed my home city. And it wasn’t just an emotional choice. With SehwagGambhir, Warner, Dilshan and Devillers in batting, and the great McGrath, Vettori, Mishra, Nannes and Nehra in bowling, Delhi was one heck of a formidable side!

 

I cheered them, whenever Sehwag blasted the opposition bowlers or Dilshan played his dil-scoop; I applauded McGrath’s accuracy, Nannes’ speed and Mishra’s cunningness. I was with them, when Shoib Akhtar destroyed their batting line up, and also when Gilchrist’s blinder threw them out from the semis. They didn’t make it to the semis in 2010, but there were hopes and confidence that this Delhi Daredevils squad will gain the glory this season.

 

But in January 2011, something happened and all the dreams were shattered and hopes flew away. That month, players’ auction took place and with almost all top Delhi players (barring Sehwag and Warner), all my dreams were also auctioned. I was a heartbreak. The new team was not the team I supported for three years. Gambhir, the devil’s captain in 2010 and a trademark Delhi lad, was no-more ours (and I will never forgive you for that GMR). Team neither had the big names or fire power, nor the talent. And soon, it also lost my support. :(

 

It wasn’t an easy decision. My mind was full of thoughts. “C’mon, Delhi is my hometown! How can I not support it? And still we have Sehwag, so anything is possible!” But then, “how can I support a team whose even 11 players I can’t name! Compare it with last year’s squad. Is it even worth being called a team?” I no longer could have bear the pain. To make decision easier (and more painful) was Delhi’s performance in initial matches. And finally, I took that hard step- I broke up with Delhi, my once very own team.

 

Disappointed, without any team to support, IPL seemed to be of no interest. I had to choose a new team to support- a team which is as strong as Delhi once was and a team which can still make me feel proud to be Delhite. And there I was, doing korbo, lorbo, jeetbo for Kokatta Knightriders– the team led my Delhi’s very own Gautam Gambhir.

 

This season I am up for you Shahrukh. This season is will cheer for Kallis consistency, Gauti’s class and Yusuf’s unleashing power. Then we have Lee’s pace as well as World No.2 all rounder Shakib ul Hasan. This is the team of the season, and I am sure on 28th May, Gambhir will lift that IPL trophy. And that would be a big slap on the face of GMR!

 

Korbo lorbo jeetbo re! Korbo lorbo re! Jeetbo re! Jeetbo re! Go KKR!!!

 

 

P.S.: I must also admit that though I am 100% committed to KKR, but my first love will always remain Delhi :(. And I hope they make a comeback next season with a better team and also with a better jersey!