To Arvind Kejriwal Sir… From a Disappointed #AAPtard

Dear Arvind Kejriwal

I am one of your supporter. I am the one who is not your volunteer, but have fought numerous whatsapp and facebook debate on your behalf. My facebook timeline is filled with posts in your favour. I am one who saw you as a hero who is going to change the way politics is done in this country. I am your fan, follower. I am your aam aadmi.

Like in December 2013 and April 2014, I have again voted for you. But this time I am little disappointed from you. Because the party I have voted for today, is not the same as it was last year. This new AAP was contesting to win elections, unlike the older AAP who wanted to change political system. Its not that I have lost hope and neither I am saying that any other party is better, but I am fed up of defending you.

Now that the votes have been cast, sir, I want honest replies from you (You, the Aam Aadmi, not the Aam Aadmi Party convener) on the following topics

1. Free Free Free!– You entered politics for the sake of Jan Lokpal, to make India corruption-free. But this time around there were more hoardings of “wifi free”. You want to make Delhi, a wifi hub. Full marks for this. But free wifi? Why? If a person can afford a wifi-enabled mobile or laptop, then he has sufficient means to pay for internet. Similarly, is it practically possible to install 15 lakhs CCTV cameras?

Sir, I want promises of rain water harvesting instead of free water, use of solar energy and making buildings energy efficient to reduce electricity consumption instead of subsidized electricity. Sir, the issue here is provide us the facilities, develop them, make them available to the poorest! You may or may not provide them for free, but at least, the focus of your campaign should be development, not these freebies. Your campaign only wanted to attract more and more votes, instead of spreading awareness. Weren’t these only a marketing gimmick, just like Samajwadi Party distributing free laptops to youth in UP?

2. Money Power– Sir, tell me honestly. How much money did you spend in December 2013 elections and this time? The way you contested election in 2013, I got the hope that now any aam aadmi with whatever little means he has can contest election. Money is no longer a decisive factor. But this time, it was all about money power- who can out number the other party in number of hoardings and radio ads.

And then, there was this controversy on Rs. 2 crores donation. Sir, I am a Chartered Accountant, so I know that legally you are nowhere at fault. But you want me to believe that you or anyone in your Accounts Committee was not aware about the bogus companies or the real source of income? I am sorry sir, but I can’t accept this. I wanted to believe that you have any explanation. So I watched your interview on 5 channels and for the first time, I was not convinced by you. Can I get an honest explanation now?

3. Aam Aadmi or Arvind Kejriwal Party?– In 2013, I voted for aam aadmi, but in 2015, it was about Arvind Kejriwal. I have full respect for you as an individual. But I was disappointed that the whole focus of your campaign was not on aam aadmi, but on you! I agree that every campaign needs a face and you deserve to be the face of Aam Aadmi Party. But  wasn’t it the same what BJP did in Lok Sabha elections by focussing on Modi?

4. How were the candidates selected– I remember, there was this long exercise done by you in 2013 which was completely transparent in selection of candidate. But this time around, I have no idea how candidates have been selected. I heard that there were 17 candidates imported from other parties. Sir, there were also many winning candidates who were changed from last year. Were you long in selecting them last time?

Hasn’t your selection process become like those followed by other parties?

5. What’s your gotra– Sir, it was clear from that BJP advertisement that they were not targeting your caste. May be, the choice of word was incorrect, but making it an issue was pure politics from you. Before that, you were an aam aadmi of India and all of a sudden you became aam aadmi belonging to a certain community. You were my only hope that caste-politics will end in India. Honestly, tell me sir, did BJP really target your caste through that advertisement?

Sir, even today, I am your big fan. And being your supporter, I think, I deserve to ask you questions and expect honest answers.

You are our hope. I can understand that certain wrong things have to be done in politics. Had you not done such things, other parties would have eaten you up. But please remember sir, that you are there to change the system. Please don’t let the system change you!

From-

Your  disappointed but adrent fan

P.S.: Yes, I have my resentments, but still an #AAPtard!

 

 

AAP-Aam-Admi-Party

 

P.P.S.: No matter what, AAP is still waaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy better than other political parties! They might have made some compromises, but their intentions are still clean.

Dear Black Money

Black Money

Dear Black Money

I am your weaker sibling, white. How are you? I am fine here in India and I hope you are enjoying your stay in Switzerland. I am writing this letter as I have heard that you are coming back to India. Is it true? If it is, then I will suggest you to please reconsider your decision.

Black, do you remember the days when we were together and there was no difference between you and me. We were simply, Money without any discrimination of black and white. But then some corrupt politicians and cruel businessmen separated us forever. Since that day, you have been growing in numbers and I am left on the mercy of salaried employees who do not have the privilege of you. People often call me No.1, but it’s you who went places- from Mauritius to Dubai to Switzerland, while I was locked in FD, Post Office or in PF. While I suffer from high rates of Income Tax, Service Tax, VAT, Property Tax, Entry Tax, you are immune to each one of them.

You will be glad to know that today, there is no piece of land in India which can be sold or bought without you. Be it Ambanis in Mumbai, Aggarwals in Delhi or Chatterjees in Kolkatta- you connect the country. You have been successful in buying MPs and in past, have made special appearance in parliament as well. Credit goes only to you black, that today, even a government peon can become a millionaire. People here won’t accept a girl even if she is slightest of black, however, when it comes to money, they treat both black and white equally. But despite all this, please don’t come back from Switzerland.

Black, if you will come back, don’t expect to be of any help for poor. You will again be routed in the hands of those special few on the pretext of schemes like MNREGA or Indira Awas Yojna. Instead of the wonderful lockers of Swiss Bank, you will be kept hidden behind the walls, beneath the bed and sometimes, even in loos. You won’t get the privilege of cheques or credit card. In its place, you will be exchanged on the basis of Rs.10 note. Some smart peoples, who call themselves Chartered Accountants, may also force you to convert into me. But that’s not the worst part.

Imagine yourself inside a BMW standing on a red light. A small kid, handicapped from both legs will be knocking the car, begging for you. Your heart will cry to go in that boy’s hand, but you won’t be able to. Even if, by chance, you succeed, you will be taken up by the mafia of the red light and subsequently thrown back into the lockers of someone else. Next day, you will be in Audi, and the boy will be at same red light. You will exchange hands at marriages, on the pretext of dowry. You will be worshipped in the form of Goddess Laxmi and then, will be used to settle the cases of rape, while the girl will commit suicide. It’s you who will be responsible for child trafficking- for all the mental and physical trauma of those sweet little children. People here will use you with such cold-heartedness that you will feel ashamed of your existence.

Trust me brother! Don’t come back to India because the hearts of people, here, are blacker than your colour.

Your fairer self

White Money (TDS deducted!)

 

P.S.: Sending you a tube of New Improved Fair n Lovely. You really need one!

New Entrant in Delhi Elections: Ajab Gazab Party (AGP)

Congress is talking about development, BJP is relying on the wave of Modi and AAP is all up for a change. But the entrance of a new party at the last moment in Delhi elections has turned the tables. This party calls itself Ajab Gazab Party ie AGP and has tangled earphone as its party logo. Talking to the party president, he explains,”What is the biggest challenge a common man is facing today? Water, Electricity, Household, Corruption, Inflation? No! Its untangling your earphones. We promise to pass an Anti-tangling Law to get people rid of this problem.”

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The party has been able to hit the right chord among the voters of Delhi, through its incredible party manifesto. Some of the promises made in the manifesto includes-

1. Sulabh Charging Centre at Every 500 metres– Why built toilets when people are, anyways going to pee on walls. What we actually need today is charging centre for our cell phones and the party promises to built one at every 500 metres. These centres will also have special reservations for Nokia and Blackberry users. “Save mobiles, don’t let them go off” is what the party believes in.

2. Anti-Tangling Law- The party will call a special assembly session at Gaffar Market where the Anti-Tangling Law will be passed. This law will make in mandatory for all mobile sellers to provide wireless earphone free of cost with every mobile purchase.

3. Private Shelters for Needy Couples- Its heart-wrecking to see couples making love in public especially in parks. Party will make special private shelters in the abandoned CommonWealth Games Stadiums where couples can go and do whatever they want. Police forces will be specially trained for not harassing such couples.

4. No Ladies coach in Delhi Metro- The party promises to bring those glorious days back when there was no reservation for ladies in metro. However, reservation for aunties will continue to be applied.

5. Removing Gender Bias in Sledging– Delhi is known as the sledging capital of India with most use of the cuss words. However these words are dominated by female gender. The party will run the awareness campaign and will make sure that fathers and brothers are used as frequently as mothers and sisters. This will promote family unity in the city.

The other promises of party include removing ban from facebook in offices, making Yo You Honey Singh as the cultural and arts minister, making all the delicacies of Chandani Chowk available at Jantar Mantar for the people sitting on anshan and fixing rates of bribe for police officers.

In last few days, the party has been stung by a sting operation showing some of its members still having accounts on Orkut. However AGP has denied all the charged and has called the accounts as fake.

It will be interesting to see what the voters have in mind, but one thing is for sure, AGP is the party to look for in the Delhi Elections.

Note: This in not a paid news and we have not been paid any wireless earphone for carrying this article.

Understanding Accounts the politician way

Income– Kick backs, gunmen for security, bungalow, red beacons car, foreign picnics, money, money, money, money, and more money

Expenditure– Bottles of alcohol that are distributed for buying votes

ImageNon Current Asset– Votes received in the election whose benefits can be reaped for next 5 years.

Current Assets– Cash and gold kept in lockers and those deposited at swiss bank accounts.

Non-Current Liability– Flattering of party high command which a politician has to do for the whole lifetime.

Current Liability– The money and support received from criminals, religious gurus and businessman against which you have to grant favors to them on winning election.

Investment– Money paid in party fund for buying the right to contest election

Capital Loss– Losing an election

Contingent Liability– Chances of being caught in a sting operation or going to jail

Going Concern– The concept that no matter whether a politician goes to jail, no matter how severe charges are against him, no matter how old he becomes, he still remains a politician.

Joint Ventures– Running a coalition government where everyone is concerned only for themselves but pretends to be a team

Debit– MP and MLA of other parties joining your party.

Credit– MP and MLA of your parties joining the other party.

Balance Sheet– A paper on whose left hand side is the record of all the criminal cases against you and on right hand side is the total money in black and in white you have. More the number of cases, more the money, hence both sides are always balanced.

BRS– (vote)Bank Reconciliation Statement where total vote-bank is reconciled with actual number of votes received.

Earning per Share– Money looted from public for each vote given by them.

Can Manmohan Singh replace Dhoni?

What’s the biggest challenge that India faces today? Corruption? Price rise?

No! Its the 4th Test against England at Nagpur..!! And out netas have decided to face the challenge themselves. Forgetting all their difference they have made a team which is expected to perform atleast some point better than the current team.

The Netas XI

Digvijay Singh– Fearless like Sehwag. Just like Sehwag’s shots, his words are neither technically correct and nor do they make any sense. But one things is for sure, whenever he hits, he hits it hard enough.

Sushma Swaraj– Aggressive, but with an intent. People considered her as the next captain of the team, but the beacon was passed to some-one else (Read: Virat Kohli/Narendra Modi). Too often gets herself run-out unnecessary.

Arvind Kejrival– At number 3, you need to have your most trusted batsman. This new guy has played some fantastic innings in his short carrier. But he is still inexperienced and there are questions on his survival in the long run.

Sachin Tendulkar– Considering the recent form, if not in the whole world, he still is the best cricketer among all other MPs.

Narendra Modi– A hot property at the moment. People calls him the next leader, but there are many critics of his brashness. A tough challenge looms ahead, will need control over his vocals.

Rahul Gandhi– So! so much promise. But nothing yet fulfilled. People calls him the Yuvraj, but has failed to survived the bouncers at the pitch of UP.

Manmohan Singh (captain)– Agreed that in past he had many glories (the World Cup/1991 Economic Reform), but the recent failures (England-Aus series/2G-Coalgate) has made people asking him to quit. In spite, he is probably our only choice as a leader.

Mayawati (as part of dalit reservation quota)– Her carrom balls, leaves everyone guessing. So what if she has failed to do what is expected from her (ie to take wickets/win UP elections), she is making her marks elsewhere (batting/FDI voting).

Nitish Kumar– So long this position was reserved for some-one else (Bhajji/Lalu), but by bowling consistent line and length, Nitish has now taken over this positions. But there is still a lot of scope of improvement.

Mamta Banerjee– The best in business when it comes to reverse swing, right from the times of Vajpayee. But her government..err.. wicket taking abilities are now in question.

Meira Kumar– Neither Ishant nor she know what are they doing in the team except to fill up their position.

The above team has been made after taking into account reservations for dalits and 33% for women. No reservation for religious minorities could be provided, as the same is still not provided in our Constitution. However, for their appropriate representation Salman Khurshid has been included as 12th men in the team.

Btw, the coach, as expected, is a foreigner and no prize for guessing her name.

P.S.: I apologize and is very ashamed for putting such derogatory remarks on such eminent persons. Pls don’t arrest me..!!  :P