10 Hidden Benefits of Demonetization

Was the real purpose of demonetization was to bring back the lost pride of Color Pink or was it to teach us to stand in a Queue. What were the real reasons to ban these Rs.500 and Rs. 1000 notes? Find out in this highly confidential post as we reveal the the hidden benefits of demonetization.

So you thought this demonetization scheme was only to curb black money and corruption? Then, you have no idea how this scheme is going to change India forever.

Please note that the information that I am going to provide in this blog is highly confidential. Read at your own risk. 
note-rupees
Below are some of the hidden benefits and the real reasons for banning the old notes and replacing them with new ones.

 

1. Respect for Color Pink

Black had class, red resembled love, blue was the sky, grey had 50 shades and we all talked about going green. But what did pink represent? A section of society which are always dis-respected and considered second class citizens.  Today, with the new Rs.2000 note, pink represents power. The biggest of the politicians, bureaucrats and businessmen want only this colour. Pink is the new status symbol. Mahatma Gandhi, the face of this revolution, had once said “Recall the face of the poorest and weakest man you have seen, and ask yourself if this step you contemplate is going to be any use to him.” This one decision of the government has changed the fortune of this weakest of all colours. A master stroke, ain’t it?

2. A lesson to Stand in a Queue

The biggest hurdle that Mukesh Ambani faced during the launch of Jio SIM was that people were not ready to stand in a Queue to wait for their turn. And hence, this note ban decision was taken. Keep your hands on your heart and answer honestly- Before 8th November, did you ever thought that Indians could standi in a queue. 50 days have changed it all.

 

3. Fostering Creative Writing

No government in the past has given so much emphasize on creative writing than this one. In these last 50 days, everyday RBI officials had to use their creative skills to write a new circular. And what an amazing job they have done. No wonder Chetan Bhagat must be feeling threatened.

 

4. Promoting Cleanliness

We all know how serious this government is with their Swachh Bharat Mission. Despite spending crores, they were not getting the desired results. But this move, changed it all. All that was required was to put some notes in garbage. Within few hours, all the garbage across the country was cleaned up in anticipation of finding more notes. Similarly, few notes were thrown in river and people themselves jumped and cleaned all rivers.

 

5. Freedom of Speech

No matter how much we criticize this government on curbing freedom of speech, but this one decision has made even the most silent person in whole of India to speak up. Those who already used to speak, whether they are from Delhi or Bengal, are now speaking louder. Even the person who is made fun of across social media, is on daily basis speaking and even reciting poems. Still, you feel that this government is against freedom of speech?

 

6. Boon to Economy

False are all those claims that the economy has gone down. You take out the sales records of any jeweler, and you will realize what a boost this note ban decision has given to businesses. And you know, what’s the best part? All the purchasers are from the middle class, purchasing less than Rs. 1 lakh gold.

 

7. Promoting a Healthy India

Government and RBI could have easily kept the dimensions of new notes same as previous one and avoided recalibration of ATM machines. But they choose a sleek design, so that they could inspire whole of India to focus on their health and shed those extra kilos. Some fitness centers are planning to use the images of old and new notes, in their before and after photo.

 

8. Permanent Seat in UN’s Security Council

The biggest hurdle in India’s claim to a permanent Security Council seat is China. However, by taking such a huge step to benefit a digital company backed by a Chinese investor, despite a huge campaign to boycott China, India has put tremendous pressure on Chinese government. It can now be expected that China as a barter would have to favour India for a permanent seat in Security Council.
 

9. Making People Realize the Evils of Female Foeticide

Note Ban was a lesson for all those who killed their daughters in the foetus stage. After 8th November, they realized the value of that foetus. Had they not killed her, they could have easily converted another 2.5 lakhs into white by depositing in her account.

 

10. Keeping the Family Bond Tight

Diwali had already passed in October and new year was still two months away. Do you realize how quiet would all those family whatsapp groups had become, had it not been note ban. Throughout these 50 days, it was like a festival. From morning till late night, there were messages, jokes and rumors on these groups. Had it not been demonetization, people would have never realized that they have got such a huge family. Note ban, kept the family connected in this lean period of forwarded messages between Diwali and New Year.

Still you believe note ban was a bad move?

An Auditor’s Approach Towards Cooking

There is this story about a fish. For the entire life, she was kept in an aquarium bowl. One day, her master decided to let her free in the ocean. But in the ocean also, the fish kept on revolving at one place as that’s the only thing she knew.

Auditors are like this fish. Right from their articleship, the only thing they are taught is to find mistakes. These are the people who ask the doctor about the sampling technique used before giving a blood sample. Wherever you put these auditors, they just start their audit process.

To prove this, we did a small experiment. We picked up an auditor and threw him in a kitchen with a cook. A normal person might have learnt some cooking tips or enjoyed his favourite dishes in kitchen. But auditors are special (read: abnormal). After spending a day in kitchen, he came out (actually thrown out by the cook!) with this- ‘ A Guide to Audit of a Kitchen’

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AUDIT OF A KITCHEN

Kitchen is the production area of any household where raw materials such as potatoes, cheese, pulses are transformed into finished products called as breakfast, lunch or dinner, depending upon the time it is consumed. Various consumables like oil, ghee, spices are used to carry out the transformatiom process, called as cooking.

Being one of the biggest cost centre of any house, it is necessary that the kitchen is always working in the most efficient and effective manner. For this, it is recommended that an audit of cooking process is carried out each quarter by an external, independent agency. The audit process should follow the following guidelines-

1. Gaining Process Knowledge

Visit any recipe site like tarladalal.com  to learn about standards applicable during preparation of various items. Auditor may also refer tutorial videos of Sanjeev Kapoor for the same. During the exercise, special care should be given to technical jargons such as “namak swaad anusaar“. Also, the auditor should make himself comfortable with both Hindi and English name of spices, so that he is not struck with question like “Hing ko English mein kya bolte hai?”

2. System Walk through

The auditor should visit the actual site i.e. kitchen and have a system walk-through of the cooking process. The walk through should include the purchasing process of raw materials and consumables, selection criteria for food to be cooked, process of cooking, estimations and the complaint handling process.

3. Audit Planning

After becoming familiar with the whole process, the auditor should prepare an audit plan and check list of points to be covered. The check list may include checking of purchases, tasting the food before it is served, reconciliation of actual production vis a vis consumption, sample survey of consumers and the treatment given to scrap.

4. Execution

  • Purchases: The auditor should obtain the list of all purchases including vegetables, spices, cooking oil, and salads made during the audit period. On sampling basis, it should obtain the purchase orders and check if the tendering process has been adequately followed. If should be checked that the quotations from each vegetable seller has been obtained and the PO has been issued to L1 vendor after adequate bargaining. The quality certificates of purchases should also be checked. Analytical procedures must also be applied to check if purchases have been made on the basis of minimum order levels. Excess purchase of vegetables like gheeya and tori, should specifically be pointed out in the audit report.
  • Stock: Details of stock lying in kitchen along with those under production should be obtained. Stock turnover ratio may be computed to determine fast, slow and non-moving items. A surprise physical verification may also conducted on the basis of ABC Analysis of different items. Material lying unused for a long period may be disposed off to a stray dog or cow. Special attention should be given to FoC (Free of Charge) items such as ketchup and chilly flakes sachets coming along with burgers and pizzas.
  • Production Process:  The process of production or the cooking is the most vital process of the system. It should be ensured that it is done by personnel having sufficient experience in this field. Auditor may ask such personnel to prepare items like gajar ka halwa to test their capabilities. It should be ensured that selection process of item to be prepared consider all the factors including available stock, health meter and the feedback of consumers. Items like baingan ka bharta should be discouraged. The efficiency ratio of gas usage for each item prepared should also be checked by auditor. In the end, each of the item prepared should be tasted by the auditor and given marks accordingly.
  • Reconciliation: Reconciliation is done at two levels. The first is of raw material. Purchases should be reduced with standard level of consumption to arrive at closing stock. Any material deviation should be enquired into and reported accordingly. The second reconciliation is of finished product. The auditor should check the quantity of item produced and must reconcile it with the total number of people present. Adequate weighage should be given to the weight of each consumer. It should also be checked that whether any item left unused has been utilized the subsequent day.
  • Consumer Feedback: The consumer feedback mechanism should also be checked. The auditor may conduct a sample survey regarding the quality of food. However, while conducting the survey it should be ensured that the cook had not prepared paneer that day.

5. Reporting– For reporting purpose, the auditor should note its weight before and after the audit on that basis must issue its report.

  • If the weight has increased- The food prepared is unhealthy and unhygienic resulting in the problem of obesity among the consumers
  • If the weight has reduced- The cooking process is unable to meet the demands of the people and as a result they are being forced to starve.
  • If the weight remains same- The whole process of cooking is a waste and does not provide any benefit to the consumer.

11 Mistakes of My Life!

1. Not learning dance– Remember how surviving each day at school was a challenge for Darsheel Safay in TZP? I feel the same on dance floor.

2. Buying a Dell laptop– No! The problem is not with the laptop, but with the fact that I took no advantage of 1 year accidental warranty!

3. That FB DP– Was I out of my mind when I shared that pic on FB! I wish I had the courage to post it here. Looking at it once, you would have understood why it’s included here.

4. Not buying an iphone– Not because I love iphone, but to prepare myself better for Apple vs Android debate and thus, to help android win it.

5. Not arranging photos on my laptop– 44,826 photos. 90 GB data. Tried several times, but could never completed it. Result- Its mess which is tougher to clean than our political system. (Not to forget incomplete backups at dropbox, google+ and CDs)

6. Reading twilight saga– In 3 weeks I was through with 4 books. Watching back to back episodes of Kyunki Saas bhi kabhi bahu thi would have been a better choice.

7. Learning to drive car– When you have to spend 2.5 hrs of your life daily in pressing and releasing clutch, you will realize why its a mistake.

8. Ignoring that girl– She was such a nerd during school, but look at her now! How did I miss her?! So true, when it comes to stock market and girls, its all about strong fundamentals and right timing.

9. Joining that whatsapp group– Forwarded photos, messages and videos. And then a birthday every alternate day! If that wasn’t enough, you have those blue ticks for groups also

10. Rejecting Bill’s offer to be Microsoft CEO- It wasn’t that bad an offer. I could have considered it. But Nadela is also doing good.

11. Voting for AAP– You call it mistake! Trust me, I will do this mistake time and again.

 

New Entrant in Delhi Elections: Ajab Gazab Party (AGP)

Congress is talking about development, BJP is relying on the wave of Modi and AAP is all up for a change. But the entrance of a new party at the last moment in Delhi elections has turned the tables. This party calls itself Ajab Gazab Party ie AGP and has tangled earphone as its party logo. Talking to the party president, he explains,”What is the biggest challenge a common man is facing today? Water, Electricity, Household, Corruption, Inflation? No! Its untangling your earphones. We promise to pass an Anti-tangling Law to get people rid of this problem.”

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The party has been able to hit the right chord among the voters of Delhi, through its incredible party manifesto. Some of the promises made in the manifesto includes-

1. Sulabh Charging Centre at Every 500 metres– Why built toilets when people are, anyways going to pee on walls. What we actually need today is charging centre for our cell phones and the party promises to built one at every 500 metres. These centres will also have special reservations for Nokia and Blackberry users. “Save mobiles, don’t let them go off” is what the party believes in.

2. Anti-Tangling Law- The party will call a special assembly session at Gaffar Market where the Anti-Tangling Law will be passed. This law will make in mandatory for all mobile sellers to provide wireless earphone free of cost with every mobile purchase.

3. Private Shelters for Needy Couples- Its heart-wrecking to see couples making love in public especially in parks. Party will make special private shelters in the abandoned CommonWealth Games Stadiums where couples can go and do whatever they want. Police forces will be specially trained for not harassing such couples.

4. No Ladies coach in Delhi Metro- The party promises to bring those glorious days back when there was no reservation for ladies in metro. However, reservation for aunties will continue to be applied.

5. Removing Gender Bias in Sledging– Delhi is known as the sledging capital of India with most use of the cuss words. However these words are dominated by female gender. The party will run the awareness campaign and will make sure that fathers and brothers are used as frequently as mothers and sisters. This will promote family unity in the city.

The other promises of party include removing ban from facebook in offices, making Yo You Honey Singh as the cultural and arts minister, making all the delicacies of Chandani Chowk available at Jantar Mantar for the people sitting on anshan and fixing rates of bribe for police officers.

In last few days, the party has been stung by a sting operation showing some of its members still having accounts on Orkut. However AGP has denied all the charged and has called the accounts as fake.

It will be interesting to see what the voters have in mind, but one thing is for sure, AGP is the party to look for in the Delhi Elections.

Note: This in not a paid news and we have not been paid any wireless earphone for carrying this article.

Understanding Accounts the politician way

Income– Kick backs, gunmen for security, bungalow, red beacons car, foreign picnics, money, money, money, money, and more money

Expenditure– Bottles of alcohol that are distributed for buying votes

ImageNon Current Asset– Votes received in the election whose benefits can be reaped for next 5 years.

Current Assets– Cash and gold kept in lockers and those deposited at swiss bank accounts.

Non-Current Liability– Flattering of party high command which a politician has to do for the whole lifetime.

Current Liability– The money and support received from criminals, religious gurus and businessman against which you have to grant favors to them on winning election.

Investment– Money paid in party fund for buying the right to contest election

Capital Loss– Losing an election

Contingent Liability– Chances of being caught in a sting operation or going to jail

Going Concern– The concept that no matter whether a politician goes to jail, no matter how severe charges are against him, no matter how old he becomes, he still remains a politician.

Joint Ventures– Running a coalition government where everyone is concerned only for themselves but pretends to be a team

Debit– MP and MLA of other parties joining your party.

Credit– MP and MLA of your parties joining the other party.

Balance Sheet– A paper on whose left hand side is the record of all the criminal cases against you and on right hand side is the total money in black and in white you have. More the number of cases, more the money, hence both sides are always balanced.

BRS– (vote)Bank Reconciliation Statement where total vote-bank is reconciled with actual number of votes received.

Earning per Share– Money looted from public for each vote given by them.

Can Manmohan Singh replace Dhoni?

What’s the biggest challenge that India faces today? Corruption? Price rise?

No! Its the 4th Test against England at Nagpur..!! And out netas have decided to face the challenge themselves. Forgetting all their difference they have made a team which is expected to perform atleast some point better than the current team.

The Netas XI

Digvijay Singh– Fearless like Sehwag. Just like Sehwag’s shots, his words are neither technically correct and nor do they make any sense. But one things is for sure, whenever he hits, he hits it hard enough.

Sushma Swaraj– Aggressive, but with an intent. People considered her as the next captain of the team, but the beacon was passed to some-one else (Read: Virat Kohli/Narendra Modi). Too often gets herself run-out unnecessary.

Arvind Kejrival– At number 3, you need to have your most trusted batsman. This new guy has played some fantastic innings in his short carrier. But he is still inexperienced and there are questions on his survival in the long run.

Sachin Tendulkar– Considering the recent form, if not in the whole world, he still is the best cricketer among all other MPs.

Narendra Modi– A hot property at the moment. People calls him the next leader, but there are many critics of his brashness. A tough challenge looms ahead, will need control over his vocals.

Rahul Gandhi– So! so much promise. But nothing yet fulfilled. People calls him the Yuvraj, but has failed to survived the bouncers at the pitch of UP.

Manmohan Singh (captain)– Agreed that in past he had many glories (the World Cup/1991 Economic Reform), but the recent failures (England-Aus series/2G-Coalgate) has made people asking him to quit. In spite, he is probably our only choice as a leader.

Mayawati (as part of dalit reservation quota)– Her carrom balls, leaves everyone guessing. So what if she has failed to do what is expected from her (ie to take wickets/win UP elections), she is making her marks elsewhere (batting/FDI voting).

Nitish Kumar– So long this position was reserved for some-one else (Bhajji/Lalu), but by bowling consistent line and length, Nitish has now taken over this positions. But there is still a lot of scope of improvement.

Mamta Banerjee– The best in business when it comes to reverse swing, right from the times of Vajpayee. But her government..err.. wicket taking abilities are now in question.

Meira Kumar– Neither Ishant nor she know what are they doing in the team except to fill up their position.

The above team has been made after taking into account reservations for dalits and 33% for women. No reservation for religious minorities could be provided, as the same is still not provided in our Constitution. However, for their appropriate representation Salman Khurshid has been included as 12th men in the team.

Btw, the coach, as expected, is a foreigner and no prize for guessing her name.

P.S.: I apologize and is very ashamed for putting such derogatory remarks on such eminent persons. Pls don’t arrest me..!!  :P

AGREEMENT OF LOVE

ARTICLES OF LOVE AGREEMENT made at college canteen this 14th day of February ,2012,BETWEEN

Mr. Phass Gya Re Bechara, residing at facebook chat and mobile texts, hereinafter referred to as “BOYFRIEND ”  of the one part.

AND

Ms. Mil Gya Koi Kharcha karane wala, residing at shopping malls, cafes and expensive restaurant ” hereinafter called “GIRLFRIEND ” of the Other part.

WHEREAS the Boyfriend is a despo who would do anything to flaunt a girlfriend.

AND WHEREAS the said Girlfriend, whose x-boyfriend has ran out of money, is in search of a new bakra.
AND WHEREAS the Girlfriend has received the request from the said Boyfriend on facebook to accept him as contractual boyfriend which the girlfriend agreed to do with effect from 14th February, 2012 on such terms and conditions, in written agreed by the girlfriend and boyfriend.
THE BOYFRIEND HEREBY AGREES ASFOLLOWS :-

1. To recharge the mobile of girlfriend and all her friends as and when demanded by her irrespective of the time and of the pocket money boyfriend is left with;

2. To take the said girlfriend on a date, every month, in a restaurant which is well outside his budget, on or before the first weekend of the month.

3. To pay all the coffee and the restaurant bills along with a hefty tip to the waiter.

4. To alter, renovate or change any part of his nature or habit, which, as per the requirement of the girlfriend or which she considers, is necessary for the boyfriend to change ;

5. Not to do or intend to do or even think about doing anything which may involve any part of the body of boyfriend coming into contact with any part of the body of girlfriend.

6. To like and comment on any status update of girlfriend or any photo upload or any other post by her, within 120 seconds of such a post.

7. Not to watch, think or even talk about anything which is, anyhow, remotely related to cricket except if it involves Yuvi.

8. Not to talk to, hang out with, or have any sorts of contact including visiting their profile or receiving or sending any forwarded message or whatsoever with any person which the girlfriend deems to be unfit for their relationship, irrespective of the fact whether that person is boyfriend’s best friend or any family member .

THE GIRLFRIEND HEREBY AGREES AS FOLLOWS :-
9. That the Boyfriend paying all her expenses and abiding all her conditions herein reserves the right to be the exclusive person to tolerate all her mood swings, to fulfill all her demands and to be only person whom she will wake up at 2 AM for the reason beyond the understanding of any human being.
10. That the Girlfriend and her friends, cousins, agents, servants or any other person in whatsoever way related to the girlfriend shall have full liberty to order any work to the boyfriend and the boyfriend, is no condition shall deny it.
11. The Boyfriend shall be responsible for any fights or arguments or debate or conflicts caused by whatsoever reason or without any reason, and shall be the one who will apologize to the girlfriend.
12. The Boyfriend shall, on execution of this Agreement, deposit with the girlfriend all his peace and happiness  which shall continue to remain as deposit as long as the agreement is not terminated by the girlfriend.
13. The Girlfriend confirms that she has received a diamond ring from the boyfriend as Premium for letting him being her boyfriend.
14. The Boyfriend hereby agrees to abide by all the demands and acquisition of the girlfriend, which is part and parcel of this Agreement.
15. The Boyfriend hereby agrees and confirms that the said girlfriend is his only girlfriend and the boyfriend shall not change it under any circumstances.

In witnesses whereof the BOYFRIEND and the GIRLFRIEND have put in their respective signatures to this Agreement on the date and year first above written in the presence of the following witnesses:

                                                                              

GIRLFRIEND                                                                                      BOYFRIEND

Witnesses:

1. Girlfriend’s Best Friend

Jiju, You are the best!

2. Boyfriend’s Friends

Harami, zyaadi hi bandi baazi aa rhi hai!